Showing posts with label Growing Older. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Growing Older. Show all posts

Soul Care #4- Identity

7:02 AM | Labels: ,

Have you ever had a pronouncement made about who you are?  Maybe someone in junior high said you had a funny nose or laughed too loud.  Maybe a teacher called you her "star student".  Whether good or bad, we often take on the comments and reactions of others as a gauge for who we are.


Stephen Smith, author of Embracing Soul Care, writes:
"We do not see ourselves as God views us.  It takes a lifetime to even begin to realize who we really are in God's eyes.  Judges 6 tells of Gideon's struggle with his identity.  The angel of the Lord said to Gideon, 'The LORD is with you, mighty warrior.' (v. 12) Gideon knew he was not a mighty warrior.  He had not done anything outstanding.  Yet this pronouncement identifies the Gideon God made him to be.  At first he resisted this noble status, arguing with the angel: 'How can I save Israel?... My clan is the weakest... I am the least..." (v. 15) Gideon does not accept his true identity.  The announcement of Gideon's identity didn't sink in, but as his life unfolded, he lived out his 'mighty warrior' name."  (pp. 47-48)
Perhaps this seems basic to you, but have you ever really thought about who you are?  How did God build you?  What is your makeup?  Are you a natural encourager?  Are you able to see the big picture and easily make plans and set achievable goals?  Do people feel at ease and open up their hearts to you?  Who did God make you to be?

YOU
Really.  I want you to stop and answer this question:

  • "Who did God make me to be?"
Have you thanked God for making you as He did?  It's no surprise to Him that you're the way you are. Do you believe He can use you in His plans for the world?  

ME
As a way of opening up, I'll share my answers with you, from when I read this portion of the book... 
"prophetess of God-- NOT big P, Prophetess.  Little p prophetess-- truth-speaker.
Writer
Mother/wife
Bold, truthful"
And to be honest, I sometimes forget that God made me this way & lapse into feeling bad about these character qualities.  

I remember certain things other people have spoken over me-- controlling, judgmental -- and could easily think that I'm mistaken in exercising these character qualities.  But the fact of the matter is, God built me this way.  He made me passionate about truth... so much that in college, I wrote an article in our college about how fake it is to answer that you're "fine" if you're really torn up inside... I implored my peers to be honest with each other!  And was promptly rebuked (in the college newspaper the following week) by a friendly professor who reminded me that these friendly greetings are the glue of society.  :)  

My point is though, that in big and small ways, I can look through the experiences of my life and see certain things God built into me that keep on popping up as traits of "me".  I didn't put them there.  My parents didn't plant them in me... although our parents certainly sometimes encourage or discourage certain attributes in us.  But God builds us with certain attributes, and when you take the overview of your life, you may find certain things God has put into you.  

So, how did God build you?  And can today be a day that you bless the Lord for how He made you?



Image: Ambro / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

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Posted by Mr Black

Soul Care #1: Meeting Our Needs, Nurturing Our Souls

10:51 PM | Labels: , , ,

I'm reading a book called "Embracing Soul Care" and finding it to be extremely valuable as I sort through what led to a season of discouragement and exhaustion I hit last winter. I'd like to share some helpful points from it, in hopes that it might encourage or help someone else. First, a quote from the author and former pastor, Stephen W. Smith:

"I had preached that the soul needs to be saved, but I didn't know what to do with it after that. I'd hated books about soul care. They meant slowing down and measuring myself by something other than church-growth figures and my salary. Those books asked me to look inside, to pay attention to my soul, and to find my identity in God...

"Rather than care for my soul, I long tried to fill myself through effort and socially acceptable achievements. ... through some difficult experiences I learned that my soul is not an "it." My soul is me--the real me. Your soul is the real you...
"Like a hamster, I got on a wheel and ran and ran. [After I snapped], wreckage flew everywhere as my soul collapsed in upon itself...
"I realized then that unless I actually 'did' what matters most, I would keep on imploding, ruining my life and the lives of those I loved. This journey of exploring what matters most in life is the journey of soul care. I'm still on this journey. I have not arrived."
When I began reading this book, it was a wake-up call for me. I have not yet reached a point of soul implosion, but I don't want to. Too many people are depending on me. I want to be sure to thoughtfully nurture my own heart while walking this road of intentional, heartfelt motherhood.


And maybe that's the case for you, too. We've all seen the cases on the news of mothers who let everything implode... and while there are often many factors, it seems that the implosion often happens because the mother just tried to keep going, despite being mightily unhealthy. These women try to keep putting one foot in front of the other while being unhealthy spiritually, mentally, and/or emotionally... and it spills over into harmful behavior or choices.


We could take this too far, of course, and make "me time" and self-examination an unhealthy focus in our lives. But I think we should try to find a place of balance: not navel-gazing egotism, but also not running ourselves ragged meeting everyone's needs but our own.


I love this quote highlighting the importance of doing what needs doing NOW:
"The best time to plant a tree is twenty years ago. The second best time is now." ~African Proverb


Soul care requires our time and attention. Have you been trying to "do it all" or be "Superwoman" and not taking care of your own needs? Have these quotes highlighted any areas of "drought" in your life? Is this an area that needs your focus, so that you don't end up (like the author wrote) "imploding", ruining your life and the life of everyone you love?


I write this not as some sort of scare tactic, but as a real concern for real moms out there who want to take on the world but forget to care for their own souls. I hope we can learn to walk in balance, both trusting God to meet our needs, but also doing what we can with what we have to stay healthy and nurtured as well.


Thoughts? I welcome your discussion.






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Posted by Mr Black

Seeking Wise Counsel

8:33 PM | Labels: , , , , ,

There are some things Doug and I aren't great at, or have flubbed over the years. We're lousy at keeping our master bedroom clean, and we have made some short-sighted financial decisions that cost us more than a pretty penny.



But one thing we've (in my opinion) done well over the last 11 years of marriage is that we regularly seek wise counsel.
Of course we read Scripture, and seek to line up our lives with what we find there, and we don't just fly off and talk to large swathes of people before talking things through together just the two of us.


But we have found it extremely valuable to proactively pursue the advice and counsel of godly people God has put in our lives.



SEEK!
We actively ask for the input of people we respect and love, that are farther down life's roads than we are. If we're talking about parenting issues, we listen to people whose parenting we've watched and admired. If we're talking about life decisions, we talk to people who are wise and who live thoughtfully and intentionally. Sometimes we'll read an article, listen to a sermon online, or talk to similar-aged peers about it, but honestly, that's not often. We've just gained so much by seeking out the godly counsel of wise believers, that it's become a regularly-walked path in our lives.


For example, when I received a perplexing and very important letter from a friend a couple years ago, and didn't know how to respond, I talked it over with Doug, we gave it some thought, and then I called Angie, my dear friend and wise mentor. She offered some really great insights and helped me to walk through the issue in a way that led to the continuance of a peaceful relationship with that friend. When Doug & I have weighed job decisions, we make time to talk with friends around the world who have shown themselves to have godly priorities, who consistently make wise choices with their lives. Their advice has been so relevant and so helpful; we always walk away with something to consider or discuss.


We don't just have these conversations if we happen to be around them... we intentionally choose to ask for input, and deliberately seek it out from friends we respect.


WISE
One thing to consider is where you're getting your advice... sometimes a group of young moms can end up talking circles around something, whereas a mom with a couple decades of experience can put that same issue in perspective quite easily. Sometimes we miss big Truths because we're getting input and advice from people who are just as clueless as we ourselves are. So, I'd encourage you, in your decisions, to seek out people who have proven themselves wise... not over weeks or months, but over years and decades. Don't just seek a stamp of approval for what you are wanting to do... talk with godly friends before decisions are made, and go into these conversations with an open mind!


Ask-- what is the likely "fruit" of following the advice of the person(s) I'm listening to? Remember that old saying, "consider the source"... a bunch of moms on an internet message board may or may not have good advice, but if you carefully watch two or three moms in real life, and you see their children in living color, you can much more easily discern the value of the advice they're dishing out, for good or for ill.


Be discerning as to where your advice/decision-making process is coming from. Are you simply "following your gut"? Are your priorities coming from Scripture? Is your advice coming out of culture? Is it coming from wise, godly counselors? Think carefully about what is influencing the decisions you make.


COUNSEL
Reaching out to, and implementing the advice of, wise counselors has been a significant part of our married life... some of our very best friends are people who have proven themselves to be wise advisors. Sometimes life gets messy, or you're so deep in the midst of a problem that you can't see your way out. It is such a gift to have trusted people to whom you can turn when things get murky, and that's a benefit of the Body of Christ. We can turn to people within the Body and learn from one another!


AND AFTER YOU SEEK WISE COUNSEL...
Pray, talk things over with your spouse, parents, or trusted friends, and see what God would have you do. At the end of the day, counsel is just counsel. No one else can make a decision for you or live your life for you... so, once you've sought out wise counselors, and they've offered you insight, prayers, and advice, you still have to walk forward, ultimately, with prayer and in faith.


I don't want to overstate the importance of godly friends and counselors, and yet, I think it's extremely beneficial and biblical to have a number of wise, experienced, advice-givers in life.




The Bible has a lot to say about counsel. I'll close by sharing some verses:
  • "The fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man listens to advice." ~Proverbs 12:15
  • "Who is this who darkens counsel without knowledge?" ~Job 38:2~ (This if from God, talking to Job. It is a serious thing when counsel is offered without knowledge to back it up... and yet, it happens all the time-- we must be discerning to the advice we heed!)
  • "Jonathan, David's uncle, was a counselor, being a man of understanding..."~1 Chronicles 27
  • "Listen to advice, and accept instruction, that you may gain wisdom in the future." ~Proverbs 19:20
  • "Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the wicked..." ~Psalm 1:1
  • "I bless the LORD Who gives me counsel..." ~Psalm 16:7
  • "In an abundance of counselors there is safety." ~Proverbs 11:14
  • "The sweetness of a friend comes from his earnest counsel." ~Proverbs 27:9
  • "His name shall be called Wonderful Counselor..." ~Isaiah 9:6




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Posted by Mr Black

7 Quick Takes Friday - #21

8:39 PM | Labels: , ,

It's been a while since my last "7 Quick Takes"-- but here's mine for this week:

  1. We've been thankful to tag a family trip to DC this week onto a business conference Doug had last week. Pictures will be forthcoming in the weeks ahead... but it's been great to see our kids experience this historic city for the first time. We were able to visit the White House, Washington Monument, Ford's Theater, National Gallery of Art, the Capitol building, National Air & Space Museum, Bureau of Engraving & Printing, Museum of Natural History, the National Zoo, and a good portion of the monuments here, and meet our Congressman & my old boss (who had no idea we had 5 children & was completely shell-shocked!). Whew! We're tired, but it was a great trip. I'm glad these venues are all free, cause the roach-coach-hot-dogs, meals, and metro rides were not! :)

  2. Speaking of the visit with my old boss, he commented how patient I must be, to have five children, because his wife gets exhausted just trying to cook for him & their two children. He mentioned that one of them will want waffles, one will want pancakes, another wants eggs, etc... and she gets so frustrated. I laughed and told him, actually, I'm less patient than she is. I'm no short-order-cook. I make the food, they eat it, and unless there's a genuine dislike for something (proven over several tries) or an allergy, we all eat what we get cheerfully. It's interesting, sometimes, to see the misperceptions people have of us based on partial information.

  3. I totally forgot how far it is between monuments/memorials. Before 2 days ago, I've never done it with children (and I did it alone, with four children--What was I thinking?!), and so I grossly underestimated how long it would take to walk from the Washington to the Lincoln, through the Korean, (past the place where they're building a memorial for Martin Luther King, Jr. - very exciting!), over to the Jefferson. Moving right along...

  4. I spotted Minnie Driver in the White House. While we were on our tour, they suddenly put out some ropes and she and about 6 or 8 other people scurried across the hallway into the rooms that we were only allowed to peer into from the doorway. Pretty fancy stuff, being a celebrity. It was shocking to me to notice how much celebrity interest is instilled in my soul... I've only ever seen one movie with Minnie Driver in it (Return to Me), and while I really do like that movie, I have no other connection with Ms. Driver, as a human being. Why was I so enthralled with and impressed by just the presence of a celebrity?

  5. Last Sunday, we were able to visit Covenant Life Church in Gaithersburg, MD, and completely loved it. They are currently going through a bit of a challenging time as a congregation, but it was wonderful to hear and see the Body of Christ working through a difficult time with great theological depth and a commitment to truth from God's Word. We enjoyed worshiping with such great joy and intensity, and reconnecting with some friends there.

  6. I can't tell you how much God has refreshed my spirit in these last few weeks. It has been so good to go deep in God's Word again, not with a goal of INFORMATION, but instead approaching it with an eye toward TRANSFORMATION. As I thought through growth as a believer, this model of how we grow and change as believers was very helpful. These ideas really resonated with the current condition of my heart:
    "Stage 4 is "the journey inward" - "a deep and very personal inward journey" that "almost always comes as an unsettling experience yet results in healing for those who continue through it". ...The end of stage 4 involves an experience of "the Wall" - "a face-to-face experience with God and with our own will". It is impossible to go over, around, or under the Wall. One can only go through it. ...At the Wall, we become "aware of all the lies we have accepted about ourselves". We are forced to "face the truth" in order to move forward."

    "...Growth is painful. Ask any person who is currently transitioning between childhood and adolescence and he or she will affirm this wholeheartedly. Growth comes at a price. It involves more than enthusiasm. It involves commitment, determination, and perseverance. Although we may desire to grow rapidly, our awareness of the difficulty involved in the transition from one stage to another should curb our desires to move ahead too quickly."
    I'm not saying I fully endorse or agree with everything written, or that every believer follows the same path... but that for me, in this season, these ideas were helpful for really analyzing where I've been as a Christ-follower, and where I am currently, and how God moves in our lives. Perhaps it will help one of you as well.

  7. On that final note, I have been shocked to see, as I've prayerfully and carefully been examining my heart, life, and practices, how many lies I had unknowingly accepted as true in my life:
  • That I was no longer a woman of prayerfulness (As if I couldn't start at any moment!),
  • That I had been silent to God too long and had too much to catch up on and wouldn't know where to start (What was I thinking?),
  • That I was growing bitter and cynical and perhaps those things were just now a part of my life since I was growing older (What a lie from the enemy, that these things have to stay in my heart & life!), and
  • That I could not do anything about these conditions of my heart... that I simply had to live with it. (What a denial of the truth that anything is possible with God!)

    It is shocking to see how many things I had adopted as true that simply are not true, and how many things I had believed must just continue on in a dreary way that actually do not have to remain in that state. I pray that God will use this time of growth to bind me closer to Him and give me discernment in the future about the ideas I'm accepting in my heart, about my life, my attitude, myself, and about Him. I pray that next time, He'll help me to be more alert to combat lies like these.

Do you participate in Jenn's "7 Quick Takes"? You should consider it-- it's definitely helpful for getting out random thoughts/experiences. :) Have a great weekend!

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Posted by Mr Black

Thinking About Legacy

12:56 PM | Labels: , , ,

This week in ladies' Bible study, we were given the prompt:

"What legacy do I want to leave?
What did God create me to be and do on this earth?"

I used to think about these questions a lot more than I currently do. Life can get overwhelming and just putting one foot in front of the other, changing the next diaper, packing the next box, getting on the next plane, driving to the next get-together can seem like enough. Enough. ENOUGH! :) Ever been there?

But I was thankful for the chance, yesterday, to consider these things. Here was my response, first in bullet-point, then in a more fleshed-out longhand version.
  • Devoted Christ-follower
  • Obedient child of God
  • Joyful wife
  • Loving mother
  • Faithful friend
  • Cheerful giver
  • Hospitable
  • Genuine & Honest

I want to be a woman who lives intentionally, who obeys and loves God even in difficult times (pressing through feelings to faith!). I want to do Doug good, and not harm, all the days of my life (Prov. 31:12). I want to welcome, encourage, and challenge other women and friends to trust in Jesus Christ. He is trustworthy! I want to cling to and trust God's Word above my own opinions, experiences, or thoughts. What He says, I believe. I want to wholeheartedly love and thoughtfully equip our children to launch out like arrows, flying according to the "bent" God has given them. I want to be someone who doesn't give up in the struggle of sanctification, but instead be like the righteous person in Prov. 4:18, who keeps shining brighter and brighter until my final day. Basically, I want to be a woman who "ponders the path of her feet" (Prov. 4:25-27). ***


In response to the question, "what did God create me to do?", in addition to the things listed above, things I'm living out each day, I'm currently considering my options for distance-learning and pursuing a Marriage & Family Therapy Counseling degree/certificate program. It's something I could do from home during these years when I'm primarily in the home with occasional blasts of "free" time (nap times, evening hours, Saturday mornings, etc.), that would be beneficial to me now but potentially very useful LATER, once the kids are grown and launching from our nest.



What about you? Have you thought about the legacy you want to leave? What kinds of things would you want someone to be able to say about you at your funeral one day?

Are we living in a way that clearly shows who God made us to be and who we are in Him? These kinds of questions are not easy... they force us (wham!) into seeing ourselves as we really are. But it's what the Bible encourages us to do-- to think of ourselves with sober judgment-- truthfully evaluating our lives in the light of Scripture.

"By the grace given to me, I say to everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think with sober judgment, each according to the measure of faith that God has assigned." ~Romans 12:3

Feel free to share in the comments or link to a post on your own blog if you'd rather explore the topic more deeply there. I welcome your thoughts.


*** I reserve the right to edit this as I continue thinking these things through. :)

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Posted by Mr Black

Part of the Family

9:30 AM | Labels: ,

This morning, I watched "A Walk in the Clouds" (starring Keanu Reeves & Anthony Quinn), and am struck by the beauty of the story.

A man who grew up as an orphan, without family, history, or a future, unintentionally and under a poorly-planned ruse comes into a family. The family is not perfect... there is sometimes fighting, sometimes the pain of wounding one another... but there is history, there is love, and there is a future.

Over time, this orphan who came into this family without the intent to stay, WANTS to stay. He desperately longs to be a part of the family. The way the older grandpa gives him encouragement, takes him under his wings, and explains family traditions... the way he finds love and roots... these things draw his heart to want to be a part of the family even though he has no right, and no claim to be a real member of the family.

Eventually, love and commitment draw him, plant him, and keep him in this new family. He wants to be in, and the family wants him in. Though he doesn't understand all the customs, he wants to. Though he has no money, no experience, no tangible *benefit* to bring, he brings his hopes and dreams and is planted as a member of the real family. Their roots (the vineyard/grape roots) become his roots; their story and hope becomes his story and hope. He embraces them, and they embrace him.

I was moved to tears so many times during this movie. The last time I watched it, I cried because of the ache of wanting the two love interests to end up together. This time, I cried because of the beautiful love of Christ.

He draws us in as orphans, without history, without a hope, without a future, and plants us as part of HIS vineyard. Though we bring nothing of tangible value, He calls us his own and says we ARE valuable. Our roots are planted in Him and by Him, we live.

This story also makes me want to be like the Anthony Quinn figure... someone who welcomes in the lost orphan... the person without a "home" or family... the person who doesn't understand things like baptism, sanctification, or the Lord's Supper. It makes me want to grow to be the kind of person who offers this love, and these roots to anyone who seeks. Even if they don't intend to become a part of the family, I pray that the love that I offer might be used by God to make them want to plant their lives in Christ. God, help me to become this kind of loving, welcoming person.

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Posted by Mr Black

7 Quick Takes Friday - #19

7:18 AM | Labels: ,

7 Quick Takes-- let's go.

  1. "Back in the U.S.S.A!" And more specifically, Texas. Yup, we're back. Loving things like family, seeing my kids play at parks I played at as a kid, Chipotle, the big beautiful sky, and virtually no traffic. It's nice being home.

  2. I dubbed yesterday "Thrift Store Thursday," and we foundsome awesome deals. Thrift stores are so amazing. We stocked up on summer clothes, Fisher Price toys, baseball equipment, and books, and spent in total what would have spent on just three pieces of the clothing that we got (slacks, khakis, and khaki shorts for my husband). I love good deals.

  3. And Thrift Store Thursday was followed up by... a trip to the ER! Yikes. Poor little Silas, he's my ER guy, I guess. He got stitches last January, and last night he got dermabonded. I knew that's what they'd need to do, but I just lacked the confidence. After watching it be done, I feel like I could do it in a pinch. Reminds me of my oldest son asking me, "mom, did you go to medical school before I was born?" Of course, I replied with a giggle, "no, why?" "Because you seem to know so much stuff about sickness and how to take care of people when they're hurt." Yup, that's what motherhood teaches you, my son. :)

  4. Speaking of conversations with my oldest son, on Monday or Tuesday after their first time to church in America, Ethan said, "Mom, church here is really different from our church in Turkey." I asked him what specifically he noticed, and he said, "like, in our house church, we know everybody. But you can't know everybody in a church that big. And, sometimes, I feel like we're part of a small number of Christians, but being in that big church, it felt like there are so many other people who are Christians too!" Interesting observations. It is wild to watch our kids grow up so differently from how we did.

  5. Sorry I haven't been blogging, doing the "Five-A-Month" goals I began doing at the beginning of the year, or even responding to e-mails much. I may be hit or miss for a while with computer stuff... we're just really trying to soak up all the wonderful things we've missed.

  6. Four years is a long time. People who were single are now married. People who had toddlers/babies have school kids. Some people who were elementary age are now approaching or in high school. It's weird. Good weird, but weird. Keeping up through Facebook helped. But it's still weird.

  7. Gotta go make a picnic lunch. I think we're going to take our bunch to the Dallas Farmer's Market & hit Dealey plaza for a picnic lunch today. Ethan & I have watched video and theorized about the JFK assassination for a couple years now (he saw me reading about it and is interested in history, so yeah, he knows quite a lot about it)... so now we're off to see the real place for his first time. Should be fun.

  8. ETA: Didn't think of this earlier, can't believe I didn't mention it... you would not BELIEVE the flights we had. 2 hours before we were set to head to the airport, Silas woke up crying and then promptly threw up on me. That continued for several hours. Pretty soon, Maranatha was throwing up too. They each threw up at least 10 times. Then Baxter. And then, just as we made it to Texas and had our little ones in the stroller, ready to go get our bags, Ethan lost his lunch too. It was totally disgusting- the steward brought me a stack of those throw-up bags, and we used nearly the whole stack. And yet, somehow I honestly felt cheerful and strengthened through the whole trip. Only God could do such a thing, because it was flat out gross. OK, all for now. Just needed to share that. :)

Thoughts? How are you all doing? If you've written me an e-mail I will respond at some point... it just may be a while before I have mental space to sit in front of this computer for very long. Blessings to you all...

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Posted by Mr Black

Like a Newborn Baby...

4:53 AM | Labels: , , ,

While listening to 1 Timothy this morning, a phrase I've heard dozens of times stuck out to me:
Like newborn babies, crave pure spiritual milk, so that by it you may grow up in your salvation, now that you have tasted that the Lord is good.
When I think back to those early days with a new baby, there is an amazing amount of sweetness, combined with a complete, dependent neediness on the part of the baby. Some of you may remember that I blogged about my nursing experiences with Moses, our most recent son. The first post, describing the first week of nearly non-stop eating, seemed to strike a chord with a lot of people. It is so easy to forget that early neediness, where at times the only thing that satisfies that sweet little person is drinking more milk.

LIKE NEWBORN BABIES
But this morning, it made me think, have I ever been that dependent on the Word of God? And even if there was such a time, am I still growing in my maturity of intake? Because sometimes I stagnate.

If, in real life, I went without food as often as I sometimes go without God's Word, I would not be healthy.

That's a frightening reality. I don't love God's Word enough; I am not dependent enough upon it. Though at times I have spent time and energy eagerly feeding myself on God's Word, at other times, I treat it as dessert, or as a delicacy. In other words, as if it's optional.

Reading, studying and assimilating the Word of God is the most essential part of our spiritual life. There will be no sign of spiritual growth unless our spirit is stimulated, formed and built up by this Word.

Do I treat Scripture as essential? There have been many times in my life when I have, but I have to confess that in recent months, I have not treated God's Word as essential. At times, it's been something I've reached for in desperation, but if I am honestly assessing my intake over the past few months, I am spiritually malnourished.

Even if there have been times when I wanted to read 8-12 times a day, those times won't carry me along NOW. I still need to be regularly intaking God's Word. Not just the "milk" meant for spiritual newborns, but chewing through the meat that's available in His Word as well. Just like the classic "busy mom" who has to make sure she's eating healthy and taking care of herself, so that she can more capably love and care for the people in her home, perhaps now more than ever, I need to be feeding myself a healthy "diet" of Scripture.

This is just an open confession, I suppose. It could serve as well as a word of encouragement for any other moms out there who have been doing what I've been doing-- shuffling along through spiritual life without that regular, dependent, eager intake of God's Word. Let's get back to it. Let's keep on diving deeper into Scripture. Let's chew on the difficult parts and delight in the sweet portions.

Anything you'd like to share or add?

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Posted by Mr Black

Growing as a Homemaker (Learning to Tackle the Nitty Gritty of the Home)

10:10 PM | Labels: , , ,

Today I want to get real about homemaking in the life of a young mother.


Each time we have added a new person to the family (like our recent addition, Moses, the precious little person to your left), something has had to grow or change in the way I approach the care of our home. I definitely was lousy at this in the beginning (I'm not being falsely humble here), and for years, I've settled for feeling adequate. I'm only now (8 years into being at home full-time) starting to feel a real sense of competency at homemaking.

SURVIVAL MODE
When I had our first son, Ethan, it really was just basic survival. Our home was constantly messy. I'm not saying this to glorify it, just telling you the truth. I remember talking with a friend of mine who had five kids at that time and quite literally believing that my laundry task rivaled hers. It just seemed so monumental and mountainous! The dishes almost never got done... I was constantly behind (thank God for a compassionate husband and mother!). And my "meals" were almost entirely composed of convenience foods + meat and/or butter and/or milk. For me, early motherhood combined with homemaking was simply survival. And yet, we somehow made it, and enjoyed ourselves in the process!

LAUNDRY
When we added Baxter to the mix, I got better at managing laundry. Somehow, though I had another person to care for, I got a little better. I realized that it really doesn't take that long to throw in a load of laundry, so I should stop putting it off, and do that regularly. And I began multi-tasking, sitting next to a little person crawling or playing on the floor and folding that laundry. Don't get me wrong, the house was still a mess most of the time and the meals were still composed of convenience foods, but the laundry was mostly caught up. This felt like a huge achievement!

COOKING
When we had our daughter Maranatha, we had also recently moved overseas. So laundry was being hung (no longer had a clothes dryer) and language was being studied. But somehow, even with adding in a new person, I got better at cooking, out of necessity. No longer could I rely on Hamburger Helper to help me along. No longer could I regularly use "cream of ______" soups to feed the hungry people in my home. I actually had to learn to cook from scratch, to use ingredients to put together a meal that we would all want to eat, and to do it 3 times a day. Cooking seemed to take FOR-EV-ER (and that year, I spent upwards of 3 hours a day in the kitchen), but I got better at it. Even my sister-in-law (domestically gifted one that she is) commented on the improvement my cooking when we returned for a few months after living abroad-- that felt great!

SHOPPING & MEAL PLANNING
Just before we added Silas to the mix, I came across a "Supermarket Savings" online course and the best thing I took away from it was making up a 4-week meal plan. So I basically tackled my meal-planning and turned it into something that was a no-brainer part of my life. As opposed to the "fly by the seat of your pants and buy whatever you happen to want" or the "sit down and plan out the week" methods of grocery shopping, it now takes very little effort to know what to buy and to know what to cook. I continue to use this plan, and re-work the details of meals/ingredients every 8-10 months or so.

CLEANING
Because I'm more of a laid-back messy, rather than a "place for everything and everything in its place" sort of gal, it's taken me this many kids to really start to have to have a plan for cleaning. And anyone who's been in my home can probably testify to the, well, lack of shinyness around here. :) But we're happy. Nonetheless. It's to the point now that if I did nothing all day, the living room would have dozens of books strewn about, at least one toy set littering the floor, colors and color books found at random points in the home, and play doh bits scattered across the floor under the dining table (and thus, soon, tracked through the whole house). And more. (Every mom can testify to the pain of stepping on legos and the frustrations of plates and juice spills left on the table!)

All that to say that we have reached a point that regular, planned cleaning is an utter necessity. No longer will spot cleaning here and there do the trick. So I have a master task list where I listed out every single thing that needs to be done (cleaning wise) in the house, and then parsed those things out, in logical groupings, to a day of the week. Now, I'm still not organized enough to actually carry out each job on the day of the week that it falls, but for the most part, most things get done at least once every couple of weeks. And for now, that's good enough. I care about cleaning more now, but I still can't be OCD about it, ya know?

WHAT'S MY POINT?
I just want to give you freedom. Freedom to be who you are and exist in the stage of life that you are currently in. I didn't have it all together, and we survived. I still don't have it all together, and we're doing just dandy. Our little boys leave the toilet seats up sometimes. Dishes still all-too-regularly litter our countertop. I don't even own "Nourishing Traditions", and I "bake my own bread" (aka throw some ingredients into the breadmaker) about 4 times a year. The bedsheets get changed when I remember. There are strengths in my life as a homemaker (meal-planning, laundry), and there are weaknesses (organizing, dishes).

I hope no one would ever come to Making Home and think, "wow, this is a woman who has it together," or, "this comes easy to her, she was probably born doing this stuff!" or feel that you have to achieve everything all at once, simply because you see someone with more children, ten or twenty years into motherhood, doing many things capably. Do what you can, and keep learning. Feel God's pleasure as you learn what you can, but don't take on guilt for what others can do that you may not yet be able to do, or may have no desire to do.

DO NOT GIVE UP!
Motherhood, budgeting, homemaking, meal planning, homeschooling-- these things aren't easy things. And particularly in our mobile, emotionally distant society, these things are made more difficult because we don't have community/societal support as we learn these things. I just want to encourage you to keep on keeping on. Galatians 6:9 tells us "let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up". I think just as this principle applies to spiritual reaping and harvesting, it also applies to learning and growth as a wife, mother, and homemaker. Keep applying yourself to doing good. Do good for your husband, do good for your children, do good for your home, do good for the Body of Christ and your friends and neighbors around you.

Keep on doing good, for at the proper time you will reap a harvest if you do not give up!

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Posted by Mr Black

Radio Silence

1:27 PM | Labels: , ,

I used to love the show, Alias. Still do, really, but it went downhill in later seasons. But those first couple of seasons-- wow!-- they were incredible. Aside from the occasional racy outfit, the predicaments and feats of Sydney Bristow were cliff-hangingly delightful.


At certain points, when Sydney was facing a dangerous point in a mission, she'd go "radio silent". Maybe she didn't want to be detected by enemies, maybe she needed full concentration, or maybe the radio transmitter would interfere with the mission at hand. Whatever the case, for a period of time, she'd turn off her earpiece and her microphone and just do what she needed to do.

In my own effort to give full concentration to the job at hand, I'm sensing that I need to turn off the communications for a while and enter a time of "radio silence" with Making Home.

There's a lot I'm learning and growing in... and I want to learn and grow more. I'm 29, ya know? (Though, to be truthful, I only have about 4-5 more weeks I can say that.) :) There's this awesome man I get to hang out with and serve and love and grow with, and I don't want to be distracted by technology. There's raising, training, and schooling these four wild and wonderful kiddos... and I want to do that well. I have a funny little recently-weaned 18-month-old who needs some training and lovins. There are incredible books I want to read... most of all, the central book of my life: God's Word.

I don't want to get to the point where everything becomes related to an online world. I don't ever want my kiddos to think that computer interactions are the most significant in my life. And I just need to exercise some good ole' self-discipline. And I guess, to relate this all to Sydney & her crazy wigs, I don't want these optional (often even helpful) transmissions and communications to interfere with the task I've been given to do in this period of time.

Please don't take this as a judgment on anyone else, or on you, or even on me a year ago or me a year from now. For years, I've read other people's "I need to step away" blogposts and message board comments and seen that as a portion of their own personal journey. This is mine... for now.

I don't know how long this season will last, but I am certain that don't want to contribute to "noise" or just put more opinions out there. I don't want to be a resounding gong or spend time creating unnecessary yokes for others. If and when I write, I want the things I say to *last*-- to have meaningful, biblical, practical helps for the people who read them-- to hold up over the course of time and not just be a flash-in-the-pan perspective based on personal or cultural ideas-- and to communicate both love and truth. In recent days, I've gone back through old posts and deleted many. I've tried to whittle down Making Home to more of a central message/theme in hopes that those who continue to read here will be encouraged and challenged to follow Christ.

As Anton Ego says on "Ratatouille", "You know what I'm craving? A little perspective. That's it. I'd like some fresh, clear, well-seasoned perspective."

For this next "season", I need to shut off the communications, gain some perspective, and focus in on my task. I enjoy interacting with you all. I love being able to share what I'm learning or tips I've picked up along the way and encourage, challenge, and/or help others. I even enjoy getting gentle pushback when others have a different perspective. And it is truly joyful for me to point people towards Christ-honoring, valuable, and thought-provoking resources.

But for now, I need to give my focus and the "best" of who I am and what I have to the people who are right here in front of me. This summer has given me some perspective on that, and I'm gonna run with it for now. I have no idea how long it will last; I'm sure I'll still keep up with some of you via your own blogs... but for this portion of my "task", I'm flipping the switch and going radio silent. See you on the other side.

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Posted by Mr Black

The Disciple-Making, World-Changing, Heart-Molding Role of Mother

10:45 PM | Labels: , , , , , , ,

If you are one who loves Christ, who desires to see people come and know Him, and longs to find her purpose in the world, let me commend to you the role of mother.

If you are a young woman who has been told all the horrors and sob stories of colic and tantrums and have somehow missed hearing about the joy of raising up interesting, unique individual men and women who will know and serve God, let me commend to you the role of mother.

If you are a gal of my generation, who was told you could "be anything you wanted to be" without ever even having it be hinted that that "anything" might include being "everything" to some little people, let me commend to you the role of mother.

If you are a lady who wants to change the world and make it a better place, let me commend to you the role of mother.

If you are someone who desires to impact people in a huge way, help others to overcome difficulties and find their strengths and God-given abilities, so that they might in turn serve God & contribute to this glorious world in a more weighty manner, let me commend to you the role of mother.

Mothers...

  • ... have the opportunity to impact lives, day-in, day out-for 18+ years, more time than any professor or doctor or preacher or counselor will ever be able to have in the lives of the people they seek to impact.
  • ... have the privilege to study and know their children so that they can train, counsel, and encourage them as they grow towards adulthood
  • ... are given the blessing and responsibility of connecting deeply and wonderfully with their children in ways that are virtually impossible with the world at large.
  • ... have the opportunity to love and be loved in a way that is entirely distinct from any other sort of relationship.
  • ... are able to change the world through a mastery of various fields and talents that they themselves do not possess, as they spur on and encourage their children to find their God-given place of service.
  • ... are able to teach and train and sharpen and shape and guide and gear their children in ways that will forever alter human history.
  • ... have the privilege of praying with intimate understanding for the hearts and lives of people from the very beginning of their existence.
  • ... have a purposeful career designed by God Himself, with His assistance and leadership guaranteed throughout.
  • ... have the unique experience of watching the man they love grow into a man who loves in ways that were unseen and unknown before he became a father.
  • ... have a God-given life with sanctification built-in by the requirements of hard work, selflessness, disappointment, perseverance, patience, grace, self-control, and a continual seeking of wisdom from above.
  • ... have the unique opportunity to work hand-in-hand with God Almighty and the husband He has given to mold future adults.
I am not saying this is the only way-- but I am absolutely saying that it is an awesome way, and a God-designed way, for women to yield to their Maker by welcoming with joy and with great sober responsibility the blessing and gracious gift of children into their hearts, lives, and wombs.

God continues to do amazing things in my heart and life and draw me closer to Himself through this role of mother, and I would be a foolish woman indeed if I did not speak highly to you of this beautiful means of sanctification that God has given to women: the disciple-making, world-changing, heart-molding role of mother.

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Posted by Mr Black

Mom, Now I Know

11:27 AM | Labels: , , ,

I'm not even 30 yet, Mom, and there are so many things that I see now that I could not have (or would not have) seen before... and I want to honor and thank you publicly.


Mom, now I know why you laughed when we made comments about things that happened when you were a kid being "old". Because I certainly don't feel old, but today, the boys were talking about a show, and I told them it was from when I was a kid. They both agreed, "yeah, that's old." I laughed. Now I realize that you didn't feel old either (and weren't!), and that's why you laughed back then.

Mom, now I know why, when I was young, you let me come in quietly and brush your hair on Saturday mornings so you could sleep a little longer. Life with little ones is exhausting, and even a smidge more sleep is worth a lot. I, too, joyfully accept every extra wink I can snag.

Mom, now I know why you said your knees hurt, and how you felt like you sounded just like your mother. You weren't complaining... they really do hurt! And now I sound just like you, and every time I do, I think of you.

Mom, now I know why you were exhausted at the end of your days. Life with little ones can be so tiring. And when we were older, you worked too. And served in church. And made time for gardening and taco nights. Now I understand... at least some.

Mom, now I know how little I really know. I can't imagine having a little girl who I'd scrimped and saved so that she could go to a weekend enrichment camp squander it by staying up late and getting kicked out. I can't imagine having a teenager who I'd loved and cherished and given up my life for say the things I said to you, or make such horrible choices. I can't imagine seeing that daughter say and do the foolish things I did.

Mom, now I know that your example of steadfast love and continual extending of grace was costly. I treated it like it was cheap, but I know it must have nearly cost you your soul. I can only pray that I will be one-tenth of the gracious and loving mom to my kids that you were to me. In my heart, I greedily want to ask that my kids won't need the crazy amount of grace that I required... but I know they are human and, like me, God may allow them to experience sanctification and challenges in their lives in ways that would not be the ones I'd custom-pick.

Mom, now I know that I've had a rich example of love-- real love-- right in front of me my whole life, and I know that my kids are going to need it. I find myself praying now that I can love-- with unfailing patience, kindness, and forbearance-- like you.

Thank you, Mom. I love you more with each passing year. It kind of stinks that it takes all this living to really see what someone else did for you, but there it is. I'm sorry I didn't see it before, but now I know.

Love,
Jessica

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Posted by Mr Black

Lightbulb Moment!

11:28 PM | Labels: , , ,

I have recently become aware of the fact that I am a bonafide geek. Really.

Evidence?

* Watching Antiques Roadshow (now free for viewing online @ pbs.org-wahoo!!!) or BBC/Nat'l Geographic specials is as delightful as slurping down a bucket of ice cream for me, plus-- my knowledge is the only thing that grows bigger when I slurp down a history special.
* We don't own a TV and like it that way (we do any DVD viewing on our laptops). We miss out on TV & movie trends, but that is A-OK with us.
* Like most women, I like to shop... but what I like to shop for is books. My public Amazon wishlist is quite lengthy... and I have a private Amazon wishlist as well, and it's even longer.
* Learning about history is a main event in our home... (case in point: the night before last, we all lined up on the couch-- even our 1 & 2 year olds were sitting still-- for an hour while we watched a PBS special about Thomas Jefferson. That's right, Thomas Jefferson. I'm telling you, we are dweebs.)
* I'm far too excited about the twenty-or-so tomato plants growing on our balcony.
* After trying out the lemon juice ink trick for secret messages (it didn't work for us, maybe we did something wrong?), my almost-7-year-old and I had a blast writing each other notes throughout the afternoon yesterday in a fancy cipher spy code from a new book of his.


And these are just a few examples. Really, I'm a geek. And I'm completely OK with that. :) Anyone else willing to own up to geekiness?

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Posted by Mr Black

Show & Tell: An April Blogging Bonanza!

12:57 AM | Labels: , , , , , , , ,

Well, since slowing down blogging a while back, I haven't done a Show & Tell, and I know there are some of you out there who love these things. Lemme tell ya, this one's a doozie. So let's get right to it:

A LITTLE OF THIS, A LITTLE OF THAT:


GROWING THINGS?

AROUND THE HOUSE:

COOK UP SOMETHING TASTY:

THOUGHTS ON CHILD REARING:

HOMESCHOOLING

CONCERNING MARITAL INTIMACY:

FOR WOMEN ONLY (REALLY!!!)-- WHAT I'D LOVE TO TELL YOU BUT HAVEN"T HAD THE GUTS TO DO A SEPARATE POST ABOUT:

ABOUT BLOGGING:

THE SHOW & TELL WRAP-UP: Good for a laugh!
As always, happy reading! And Happy May! :)

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Posted by Mr Black

Alistair Begg Pleads The Fifth (Commandment)

8:02 AM | Labels: , , , ,

Came across this quote in a sermon I listened to this morning and thought it might speak to others... it's rich with potential fodder for thought.

“We honor our parents when we repay the love and trouble they’ve taken in our lives. The Pharisees were real bad at this stuff, and they tried to justify it by their commitment to the church. They were just downright hypocritical. They were saying this in Matt. 15—if a man says to his mother and father, “whatever help you might otherwise have received from me is a gift devoted to God", he is not to honor his father with it. And Jesus says, "thus, you nullify the Word of God."… In other words, you can’t weasel out of your commitment to your mum and dad because you’re giving to the building program at church. Don’t tell your parents you won’t be able to see them in Arizona because you’re tithing to the building plan.

Your parents are your parents. That’s what Jesus is saying. If there’s widows in your church and they’ve got children and they’ve got grandchildren, then let the children and grandchildren take care of the widows. If our churches and families were serious about this, it would be radically different. And it’s going to have to get radically different, because this system isn’t going to work. You can’t keep getting older and older and older people with less and less capacity to care for themselves and plug it up by any system except the system that God ordained.

The Chinese understand this… they’re committed to the extended family. African cultures understand this… they’re committed to the extended family. We just reject it—flat out reject it.

…Barely half of the American public believe it’s the children’s responsibility to look after their parents.

But you know what? Why would we be surprised? Do we think this is going to change? Do you think that the children who tomorrow at the age of seven months are going to be taken to a day care center, not because their dad died in the war and their mommy has to go to work, but because their mommy wants to be a “real person” and doesn’t believe in parenting and in marriage and in motherhood. She wants to be a “real” person and so she’s gonna put her seven-month-old in the care of some yahoo who ought to be staying home looking after her kids probably. And the whole thing goes down the tubes from there.

So we’ve got all these tiny little kids living in these boxes; it’s unbelievable. If you think—if we think—that children who have been dumped for the first six years of their lives are gonna somehow come through for their mom and dad in the last six years of their lives, we’re crazy!

What’s the answer? The Fifth Commandment! Given by God to Moses thousands of years ago, and relevant this morning.

There’s something sadly wrong when other cultures without Bibles are better at dealing with the long-term care of their elderly than we, with our Bibles, and our apparent commitment to Jesus Christ.

What do we do? We push people up the ladder of success fast, so that we can topple them off as quickly as we can. We don’t respect old age; we don’t respect wisdom. We just don’t. We don’t ask for their wisdom or guidance; we blow them off. We are committed to youth. We’re not committed to youth because youth is tremendously efficient or because of hard work—we’re committed to youth on the basis of image. … Youth is worshipped. Old age is taboo, dreaded, or despised. We live in a society that isolates and impoverishes those who have given their lives so that we might have an existence. This is really wrong!

…And I’ve gotta tell you, when the signal goes out, and the word is sent, and the call is made, the people who go first to respond to this are not your conservative, evangelical, committed, Bible-believing Christians. The people who go are the people with a theology that we would not embrace but with a heart that we cannot match.

The fifth commandment says to me: we better get our hearts and our attitudes and our resources in line with our convictions, that as parents we better teach the wee ones to honor us as they grow. But in our growth, we better not forget that those who have given their lives on our behalf demand our utmost commitment and respect at the end of their days. ”

Alistair Begg – “Family Life, God’s Way”



Also-- here's a little reminder that if you're interested in my "book reviews" for the 2009 reading list, I'm adding to it as I go, and have added a couple recently... here's the link.

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Posted by Mr Black

Parenting is All About Seasons

10:17 PM | Labels: , , ,

Just about a year ago, our sons had just started playing together. Not playing with intermittent fighting, not playing with mom refereeing, but REALLY playing together-- imaginations running wild, rules and games that only the two of them know, building things side by side, wrestling like young lions... what a blast! I remember what a relief this was for me as a mom of three kids five & under-- that they could occupy themselves happily for longer stretches of time. It is still a great joy to me to hear and see our sons enjoying each other's company and learning together through large portions of each day.

A few months ago, I was dealing with a four year old who politely talked back and a seven month old who was eating dirt on a semi-regular basis. :) Now, just a few months later, my four-year-old is learning self-control and is learning to express his desires respectfully, and my eleven-month-old is walking. So he has better things to do than eat dirt now.

SEASONS COME & GO
This is a very rambly way of saying that this business of parenting changes like seasons. Some seasons last longer than others. Some seasons are easy, some are sweet. Some are rough, and some pass quicker than you'd like. Some are fun, and some you just do what you have to to get through. But it's all about seasons. And just about the time I get "used to" a certain season, it's gone.

WHAT HELPS ME ENDURE?
For me, flexibility and a willingness to keep on learning are essential. I have to be willing to flex with the times... for example, letting less crucial things go when there's too much to do, or taking on new challenges when they arise.

Six years ago, for me, life was all about Babywise & breastfeeding. Then, I focused in on making baby food from scratch (which, like breastfeeding, seemed so difficult at the time, but is now second nature). Next up was learning & researching biblical discipline. Then managing more than one child. Then within a couple years, I was researching homeschooling in a general way. Then I began looking at specific curricula and methods. Two years ago, I began homeschooling (while disciplining a 2 year old and nursing a new baby) and started hearing about cloth diapering.

Now, I'm reading about educational theories, researching differences between boys & girls, and starting to learn about parenting older children and adolescents, while continuing to do most of those things in the last paragraph. But those things aren't near as taxing and many of them don't require the careful attention that they did when I first started doing each thing.

If we as moms are willing to keep learning, then those things that we learn will benefit not only that first child, but any subsequent children that come along. And we can keep adding to that knowledge and getting better in each area as time passes.

What I'm driving at is this:

(1) No one just "zaps" into being capable as a mother all at one time. (And I'm not trying to act like I have it all together, by any means... but even those things that I do have "together" didn't happen all at once!) It comes over time-- God doesn't just *ZAP* you into a woman who knows how to homeschool, breastfeed, handle tantrums, offer hospitality, and make your own babyfood (or whatever kind of women you are or will be)... it happens over time. Like Sarah said SO eloquently expressing this very idea,

Somehow, in our six short years of parenting, we have learned to be productive despite little hands and feet getting in the way. We have grown in patience and ability.
You get better at things the more you do them... and things that were once difficult become second nature and no longer seem as monumental as they did the first or even second go rounds.

And... (2) in parenting seasons, things wax and wane. Some things come and go over and over (like breastfeeding, tantrums, and teaching the alphabet). Some of these are things that you learn once and never have to re-learn (like how to make your own babyfood or use cloth diapers... if you ever want to learn in the first place, LOL), some things have to be adjusted as you go (like teaching different students), and some things may be totally new (particularly tackling new developmental stages with that first guinea pig child). But the pressures and demands wax and wane-- parenting is an adventure!

Truly, children are a blessing-- and God uses the seasons of parenting to refine and discipline us. So take heart! If you are a new mom or in a new season, what you are learning now will benefit you later... and God will use it to sharpen, shape, and sanctify you. He is faithful to gently lead young mothers, and He will be faithful to lead you if you look to Him.

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Posted by Mr Black
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