Mr. Prof designer home

Today, Crunchy Con ran a piece about simple weddings coming back en vogue, and asked people to share about their wedding if they somehow managed to avoid the extravagant $25,000+ affairs that seem to be the "norm" in the east coast.

Well, we avoided that kind of crazy price by a long shot (I think our total wedding costs may have totaled something like $2000)... so I decided to share about it here. Sadly, I don't have access to most of our wedding pictures (they're back in storage in the States)-- but I've taken some semi-fuzzy digital shots of the prints that we have here. I'll bold our money-saving ideas... I'm sure you can find more elsewhere, but this is how we pulled off an inexpensive wedding that was beautiful, intimate, and that we still look back on with delight.

PRINTED MATERIALS
For invitations, I waited to find a good deal and we chose simple, classic invitations from a company that was offering much less expensive rates. We bought some silver-inked pens and some friends and I took an afternoon to address the envelopes ourselves. We limited the amount of invitations we purchased, and nearly all the invitations were sent to people we really hoped would come-- not every Tom, Dick, and Harry we and our parents ever knew. The invitations were sent in a normal rectangular-shaped envelope, so that it did not require additional stamps.

I went into Microsoft Word & designed the wedding program myself, and had it printed on a custom-sized parchment-style paper at the local printshop. Little details like this could have really added up, but by doing them ourselves, we saved a lot of money in ways that really weren't noticeable, and in the long run, don't matter a hill of beans.

GOING TO THE CHAPEL
We got married in our college chapel... a quaint building with ethereal light drifting in the opague windows. In that chapel, I'd worshipped, poured my heart out before the Lord, repented of sins big and small, shared words of encouragement, and led fellow students in songs of praise. Because we were students, we made a deposit and received it back in full, so the location cost us nothing.

THE DRESS
Like every bride, I scoured the bridal magazines and saw dresses that were gorgeous, but found one in a magazine photo that was right up my alley. Of course, as they always are, it would have cost thousands of dollars. But at a friendly neighborhood David's Bridal, I found an almost identical dress for a few hundred dollars. The bridesmaids dresses were on sale at David's. I've since heard from friends who got even better deals at David's by being more open to anything and hitting the sales racks there.

FLOWERS & DECORATIONS
For all the typically expensive stuff, we found some friends who had hobbies in the areas of our need... we knew a young married guy who had connections in the flower business & knew where to get large amounts of flowers for much less money, so we hired him to do all our flowers-- all white daisies (my favorite). I bought glass fishbowl-like glassware (and probably some ribbon too) at a Hobby Lobby sort of store for a fraction of what it would have cost from a florist, and that friend did all the arranging.

REHEARSAL DINNER & BRIDAL PARTY GIFTS
For the rehearsal dinner, we used a dietetics major who was beginning a catering business, and it was delicious-- she worked with us to custom-make the menu and Doug's mom made a favorite family recipe for the dessert. As gifts for the bridal party, I kept my eye out for good deals and bought matching jewelry for the bridesmaids, and we ordered a set of fun-colored swiss army knives off of eBay for the groomsmen.

PHOTOGRAPHY & VIDEO
One of our friends was a campus photographer with a great eye, so we asked him if he'd be willing to do our wedding. He'd never shot a wedding before, so I made a list for him, in order (to go along with the service order), of the basic photos I wanted. I starred the ones that were most important for me, so that if he had to miss a shot, it wouldn't be one that was super-important for us to have, and he came to the rehearsal dinner to practice and get a feel for where he'd stand, where the light would be, etc. He did formal color pictures for all the normal shots, and informal, more artistic black-and-white shots for all the post-wedding & reception shots. He developed a set of prints and handed the film over to us. He did an excellent job, and for payment, my husband painted a Ruth/Boaz themed painting (the "where you go, I will go" passage was a centerpiece of our wedding vows) and traded him the painting for his photography services.

If I had it to do over again, I probably would not have paid the money for a video of our wedding. However, a close friend that sang in our wedding died suddenly only a few years later, and so I'm thankful that I have the video for that one reason. But the cost of the video (perhaps a hundred dollars? can't remember...), compared to the few times we've ever watched it, probably was not worth it.

THE RECEPTION
There was a place on campus with a wall of windows that looked out over the nearby river... we opted to have our reception there, and again, it cost (if anything) very little.

We found a comparably inexpensive local baker who did a beautiful basketweave buttercream tiered cake, and ordered from her, with fresh daisies and an antique Wilton cake topper I'd bought off eBay as decorations. She was most excited about doing the groom's cake-- a chocolate sheet cake frosted with the image of a Rothko painting on top. My husband, Doug, was a painting major, and Rothko was his favorite artist at that time. :)

For food & decor, we hired a family friend with an on-the-side catering business. She made all the reception foods, worked with the floral guy for decorations, and arranged for all the linens, etc. It was simple, as we had an afternoon wedding, with a good assortment of finger foods, desserts, and drink options. For music, we asked a close friend who played classical guitar (Thanks again, John & Julie!) to play whatever he wanted. It was beautiful accompaniment for a low-key and enjoyable reception.

WRAPPING UP
Not everyone has friends in every area necessary for pulling off a wedding, and I understand that... but really, local colleges and young businesspeople are really great resources for doing a wedding, if you're willing to work with them and help them to succeed. Asking around in your "circle" for different people who may have connections with florists, the desire to do catering jobs, or with special skills (like web design, photography, or musical abilities) can really save a bundle of money. Doing as much yourself as possible will save money, and can be done without stress if you plan well. We cut corners on almost everything, but the wedding was absolutely enjoyable and suited us perfectly.

My hope is that this post will encourage young women who may read it to be freed from feeling the burden of pulling off some "perfect" event, and instead opt for something that will be enjoyable and suit your personality without breaking the bank.

Our best memories from the day are seeing each other, visiting with the people we love, and receiving spoken and prayed blessings from our family & friends. And of course, the most important thing of all was that we marked the beginning our lives together before God and others as man and wife. The rest is just details.

Dr. Michael Lawrence, a Pastor at Capitol Hill along with Mark Dever and others, put out what I think is an EXCELLENT series on Christian sexuality, dating, and marriage, with one topic directed at men, one topic for women, and Q & A sessions for both groups.

Jerod has grouped them all here in one nice & neat blog post for ease of accessibility. Each selection takes roughly one hour, and they are all highly relevant and quite engaging. Please take time to listen to any and all of them that fit your needs or interest.

I want to share one particular clip that gives a taste of the unique wisdom you'll find in the series, and also invite you to share your thoughts about this quote in the comments. After explaining that the act of sex is a part of marriage, he asks:

What about everything else, though? What about everything that falls short of actual sexual intercourse/penetration?

Well, I think typically, we as evangelicals have bought into a very secular idea that views other acts of sexual intimacy on a sliding scale. And we all in our own minds, in our own conscience, try to draw a line somewhere. And we say, "Okay, on this side of the line, that's far enough away from sex that it's okay, and on that side of the line, okay, that's beginning to feel enough like sex that it must not be OK, or it might lead in the wrong direction."

I want to suggest to you that when God created sex, He knew what He was doing. And He created sex and sexual intimacy and all the things that are associated with sexual intimacy, in such a way that they work really well. The married men in the room know what I'm talking about.

What I want to say to you single men is that most of the things, well, probably all the things that you put on this side of the line that are "safe", and you think in your dating/courtship relationship, "I can do this because it's not sex", married men do with their wives and they call it foreplay. And the reason they call it foreplay is because God designed it in such a way that it leads to sexual intercourse.

It's like a one-way street. There are a lot of things that you pass on this one way street called "sexual intimacy", and there are a lot of things you can do on that one way street short of actual intercourse. But God made that street to run in one direction. It's heading somewhere, guys, and you know it's heading somewhere. That's why you like it; that's why it feels good. Because God designed those things to lead you to enjoy an experience of that full intimacy in the context of marriage.

So I want to suggest that at even the pragmatic level, if you don't intend to go where that street's leading you, then don't get on it. ...Sexual intimacy is designed to escalate and proceed to a goal that God designed. Foreplay works; it gets you to sex. If you buy the biblical teaching that sex is designed for marriage only, then don't start playing with the things that lead you there.

By now, you all know that I love these show & tell posts. So here we go again. Click on whatever interests you, until you have one less tab open than will crash your computer. ;-)

SINGLENESS, DATING, & MARRIAGE

• But I Want One!-- When a desire for marriage eclipses contentment
• I Think You Want a Wife! A poignant word on the difficulty but brilliancy of surrendering as a woman
  
• Not a Virgin-- When the man/woman of your dreams has been intimate with someone else
  
• "Get Married"-- A new book, to which my single friends reply, "If only it were that easy!" Nevertheless it sounds like it's worth a read.
• How Far is Too Far?-- A great read for setting up boundaries for dating
• When Christian literature goes awry: man-centered theology-- Romance With God?
• IF YOU ARE A MARRIED WOMAN (or one day, would like to be), READ THIS ARTICLE: the 80/20 principle.

• Organizing your kids' drawers in a kid-friendly way
• Sleeping through the night: it really can happen.
• SLINGS: Make your own. Seriously-- I did.
  
• A book for godly boyhood: I keep seeing this recommended by parents I respect.
  
• A book for godly girlhood: Another book I see recommended a lot.
  
• Christian childhood reading list... great suggestions here.
• Sorrowful parents: here's what happens when the self-esteem generation becomes parents
  
• Reflections on motherhood by a new mom (of an adopted 15-year-old) who happens to be an old friend of mine.
  
• Are Christian parents encouraging cold feet?

• Housework distribution-- interesting that, no matter how you cut it, women end up doing the housework. Maybe because we are supposed to be "keepers of our homes"?
• Family heirloom or just more STUFF?
• Interested in family history? This website might help you research your genealogy.
• Are you SAVING BIG MONEY by playing the CVS game? (I SO would be doing this, were I still in America.) Here are some explanations of how to save BIG TIME money: CVS 101, Making CVS Work for You, A CVS Primer). Now, get thee to a CVS and do what I can't do: stock up and save big at CVS.
• Wants, Needs, and Debt: an honest word from Catherine
• Are you lacking personal contentment?
• Tasty, meatless meal ideas: A great way to save money in this pinched economy
  
• A great new Heaven-focused album to listen to while you go about your day: Enfield

• Why Guys Dislike Church
• Why are so many women depressed?
  
• Expressing our concern about same-sex marriage
• Embedded in this article is an interesting paragraph about the price of feminism
• "The Pregnant Man": what a lot of hooplah about such a confused person
• Are young people more complementarian than their parents?
• Another article about complementarianism worth a read.
• Why our perspective on manhood & womanhood affects all of life

• Obama's lack of awareness of his lack of experience
• Birth Control Timeline-- an insightful resource for understanding the rapid expansion of birth control usage in the last century
  
• FOUNDER OF PLANNED PARENTHOOD: Margaret Sanger interviewed-- thoughts on birth control, God, abortion, and more-- a fascinating read
• The Chinese in China-- an interesting way to look at the Chinese population and understand why they careful control minority populations
• TV Titles for news interviewees-- a "behind the scenes" look at political television
  

• Puritan Prayers-- this link may sound dull, but I'm telling you-- these prayers are RICH, and (though very old) might just inspire you and challenge you in completely new ways.
• Strategies to Keep From Falling: My favorite author, Randy Alcorn, writes about sexual purity.
• Sharpen your brain: MENSA GAMES
• Free IQ Test-- online and fun. I love this kind of stuff.
• WHY AMERICA IS RICH, and other musings about world evangelism.
  
• Top 20 Jobs-- the growth and disappearing of jobs. Good stuff to know, whether you're a homeschool mom or a young person, or in any way rely on jobs for any reason. Hmmm....
• HEAVEN ON EARTH: Really. (And in my head Belinda Carlisle is singing, "Ooh, baby, do you know what that's worth?")
  

• Lamentations of the Father
• The Happy Round-the-World Dancer- if you haven't seen this, you've gotta watch it. With your kids.
• Song of Solomon Illustrated (this is a family friendly link-- no worries!)

***Just wanted to share some exciting (for me) news: my letter to Maranatha has been published at the Gender Blog put out by the Council for Biblical Manhood & Womanhood. (This feels like silly self-promotion, but I'm so thrilled and feel so honored and I wanted to share it with all of you!) ***

Get ready for some fun links-- these should give you lots of interesting reading, so here we go!

INTERESTING VIDEOS:

• Mt. Sinai, Moses & the Exodus: This video is absolutely incredible; it's in 10 parts and takes about an hour and a half to complete. Full of interesting, on-the-ground archaeological and geographical research into the biblical account of the exodus based on the biblical text, the evidence unfolds before your very eyes. Ethan & I had so much fun watching this video after having read through the exodus account over the last few weeks in school.
  
• Butterfly Emerging from Chrysalis: I was explaining this to the boys a couple weeks ago and realized that there was probably a video on the internet that would show the whole thing. Bada-bing, bada-boom- I found this... a time-lapsed video that shows it in high-speed (and then you can click to watch the slow, real-time version). The internet has its drawbacks, but stuff like this is so incredible!
• Dinosaurs in computer animation: Based on bone structure and placement, animal "norms" and other research, Discovery channel put out these interesting videos that show what dinosaurs may have looked like in their original environment. Interesting stuff.

• Even feminists are saying it: Wanna have a baby? Now's the time.
• John Piper has put out a new statement about the biblicality of birth control.
• Royal college warning about abortion: it can lead to mental illness
• Baby supposed to only live a few hours is perfectly healthy: makes you wonder how often this has happened before, when parents have opted to abort, doesn't it?!?
• The abortion industry's #1 provider-- Planned Parenthood: your tax dollars at work.
• Natural labor induction techniques: the most complete list I found, FYI.
• Post-partum dressing tips: great and feminine ideas from Emma about hiding the post-baby "pooch"
  

• I love you, but you love meat: not only an interesting commentary on veganism, but also an interesting commentary for all of us to consider about how personal idiosyncracies or preferences might keep otherwise compatible men & women from marrying and starting a family together.
• 83 Years of Marriage: what a neat story! Maybe we'll make it to 83 years-- there's at least a chance- we were married at 21! :)
• Holding Out: Boundless wrote a great article about young Christian singles who seem to be waiting for greener pastures... I'd love to hear from you guys on this-- do you think this is an accurate assessment of how things are going among Christian singles/college students?
• Either Serve God Wholeheartedly OR Get Married?
• An honest commentary about the "appeal" of abstinence education as it's been done by churches and Christian families in recent decades

• 6 Aspects of Humility: Desiring God blog reminds us of what it means to be humble
• Brother Yun's Thoughts on the Western Church: See America's churches through the eyes of a Chinese house church pastor
• Obeying the Word of God: Terry reminds us to focus on obeying the basics of Scripture.
• The Unwasted Life: Tamara writes about intentional living-- living for God's glory-- living in light of eternity... good stuff.
  

• Girls: Rod Dreher shares his thoughts about the natural differences between the sexes.
• Is a Woman Just an Egg-Factory? Around the world, this is happening more and more.
• Bratz at the Beach: Crunchy Con shares some great thoughts about how the culture is affecting teenage and college-aged girls and their aims & dreams. It's disappointing and insightful all at once.
• Buying Clothes: the frustration of being a normal woman in a sex-driven, cleavage-baring, nothing-off-limits world-- do you ever find yourself wondering, "where can I get some normal clothes???"
  

• An Open Letter to the Religious Right: WOW. I found myself nodding along to so much of this... especially-- ESPECIALLY-- the part about Ann Coulter.
• Mike Huckabee's take on the Obama/pastor/race issue
• Why Mike Huckabee's candidacy mattered
• Missing Mike Huckabee already
  

• Questions You Should Never Ask ANYONE- my friend Bethany compiled a great list of rude questions people ask when they oughtta just bite their tongue (I've been asked some of these!)!
  
• Stages of Responsibility: I found this to be helpful for ideas and to evaluate the reasonableness of asking kids to do various things around the house. It's a listing of chores and home responsibilities based on children's ages and skill levels
• On My Sewing Machine: Shannon might just inspire you to pull out the fabric & thread!
• Depressed in the Lap of Luxury: Why "having it all" does NOT equal happiness
  
• "How I Feed My Family of EIGHT on $300 a month"-- need grocery-savings tips? I think this woman's series of articles is a great place to start!
• Battling Sexual Sin
• Why I Don't Read Your Blog - I found myself nodding to a lot of these-- I've had to cut back on my blog reading anyhow (it's just overwhelming, and I easily fall into what Joe Carter described himself as-- a complete media junkie), but this list describes some of the reasons why I choose not to read certain blogs (ETA: Additionally, I found this list helpful in identifying problem areas that I need to avoid when blogging.)
  
• Jonah: Too Horrifying for Kids? - an honest appraisal of the dumbing down and p.c.-ing of Bible stories
• Designed for Sex: an incredibly good article about what sex is for and what we lose when we lose sight of God's plan for intimacy
  

• This is something I've always been bothered by: the phrase "Hedge of Protection"-- and Tim Hawkins' comments about it cracked me up!
  

Goodness gracious, ladies. I have a HEAP of links to share with you. You'll just have to browse and pick from them because there are just too many (I think I must've been compiling them from the past month, er, um... year). But do pick some. They're all so good.

First up, Heather wrote this post: My (Mis) Perceptions which aptly sums up some things I've been thinking and feeling lately... about the way we get settled in our opinions and views.

*** Also, I've updated my songs down at the bottom of this page, so there are some great new songs (I kept some of the same ones though!) and a couple of mini-sermons for you to listen to as you browse! ***


BEING WIFE & MOMMY: links on wifelihood and motherhood--

• The modern view of motherhood: Kelly sounds off after reading this celebrity quote: "After three months with a newborn and a toddler I was happy to go back to work."
• "Yes, He's Still Nursing": breastfeeding facts and encouragement (I'm about four weeks away from re-joining the ranks of nursing moms!)
  
• The Cost of Raising Children: The problem with these sorts of figures (which are actually lower than what is often quoted in parenting magazines) is that they don't take into account the fact that my 3.5 year-old son is now wearing clothes that his big brother wore two years ago and that his soon-to-be-born brother will wear in another two years or so. My 21-month old daughter is reading books that have already been enjoyed (and continue to be enjoyed) by her older siblings. These types of costs are one-time costs, no matter HOW many kids you have. If you have two, they can be used twice (even if you have one boy and one girl, there are many toys and things like strollers that can be used by both genders), and if you have seventeen children (like the Duggars), there's no telling how many times things can be used!
  
• The Business of Being Born- a new documentary that's coming out about childbirth and modern hospitals-- really seems like an interesting film (headed up by Ricki Lake-- remember her?! ) Read one blogger's review of the movie.
• Cultivating Wise Habits- Amy reminds us to be careful with what we do and don't do, and particularly in the habits we form.
  
• Life With Boys- Renee always has such fun insights from her life with 11 children. Here's a fun and right-on post about life as a mommy with little guys running around.
• Marriage: An Idol?- Is it wrong for a single woman to desperately WANT marriage?
• Bible Story Books: Al Mohler's recommendations for children's Bible books.
• WORDS OF LIFE: Gina shares some penetrating questions about how to measure our words against Scripture, as we speak to our children, to our husbands, and to the world around us.
  
• Adopt Or Have My Own?- Candace @ Boundless thinks through this question posed by a reader.
• Watching Your Child Grow Up... on the Internet: "modern" moms and their technological dilemnas (what a sad commentary this is on how feminism has changed families in America!)
  

• The "State of the Church"- WOW! June has put together some fascinating statistics about the American church.
• Persecution Ought Never to Strike Us as Strange
• Families Worshiping Together: John and Noel Piper share their thoughts on weekly church and how to involve your children in this time.
  
• Finding the Perfect Church
• EXCESS: Sara has some challenging words to help us to examine our lifestyles, and where we spend our money, time, and energy! (If you don't regularly read Sara's blog, you're missing out-- what a gem!)
• HEALTH & WEALTH teaching- WOW~ John Piper's view on prosperity gospel "preaching"
• Church Gets Fined for NOT Hiring Gay Man as Pastor- Folks, be on your guard-- this is where things are heading... when a church can't abide by Scriptural guidelines without being taken to task by the courts, we are in serious trouble.
  

• TERM-inology: examining late-term abortion & partial birth abortion
• KNOW THE FACTS ABOUT ABORTION: John Piper encourages us to be informed about abortion and gives some helpful links so that you can "get informed"!
• How I Became Pro-Life- This former pro-choice athiest shares her VERY interesting story.
  
• When Abortion Is Just "A Choice"- many abortionists would have you believe that most or all abortions are out of desperation (and many are), but there are those who abort simply because they can.
• How much of America has been aborted? Sallie shared a great visual that gives you a picture of how BIG abortion is... how many of "us" we've murdered carrying out this "right" called abortion.
  
• What CAN unborn babies feel? This is a FASCINATING article about fetal pain, and it has strong implications for abortion "rights".

• The Five Stages of McCain- an interesting analysis of the changes many have gone through in the last month or so, when considering McCain as a candidate
• What Has Obama Done? Chris Matthews asks this not-so-difficult question to someone who ought to have had a ready answer... it's almost painful to watch.
• Election '08: Idealism Vs. Pragmatism- Terry gives some great analysis to the choices we'll all have to make, both now and in November in the voting booth.
  

• Reflexology Foot Map- tells you where to massage for which ailments/parts of your body you want to target. I had a killer sinus infection last month, and Doug worked wonders just by rubbing where it told him to. (This isn't anything New-Agey... just an amazing way our bodies work!)
• Make Your Own Laundry Detergent. And spend pennies to the dollar. Seriously.
  
• What I Learned From Watching Sex & the City- One student shares his views on modern sexuality and what Christians' response to our culture ought to be.
• Spring Cleaning? Cost-saving tips for cleaning your home!
• Dating-- Mark Driscoll tackles this issue (and many other interesting ones, like Birth Control, in his series on Nine Christian Misconceptions) with straightforward biblical truth. I really like his style-- I have been listening to him a LOT lately.
  
• Make an adorable toddler dress from hubby's old dress shirts!
  
• DEMOGRAPHIC WINTER-- PLEASE watch this trailer for this film. The "overpopulation" myth has long been debunked, but the fact that traditional families are fading has serious implications for our society and our world. Check out this article about "Demographic Winter": Low Birth Rate Kills Economy, Society.
• I HATE LEFTOVERS: Practical tips for not letting food go to waste.
• Chicken Pocket Sandwiches- here's the recipe for the food I referenced on my pre-baby preparation post the other day.
  

• DOs and DON'Ts with Babies- pictures included.
  
• How to Get Rid of a Stoner Son- for those of you with drug-using adult-escents in your home (or those of you who just want to giggle).
• THE GIANT HAIRBALL- I'm not kidding; I wish I was. You've got to see it to believe it. (Warning: don't click this one if you're eating!)
  

Lately, many of my posts have been just passing on things that others have written or said that I've found meaningful... but I hope that you find these things helpful or encouraging too. So much of these are things that I would say or have felt or thought, but then I find it in print or blog form from someone else, and so it's pointless for me to try to re-write the same thing when I happen upon someone else who has put my heart into words.

(By the way, yes, I changed my photo to the one you see here. My hair has gotten longer- pregnancy always seems to do that- and it feels dishonest to me to have a photo that isn't what I really look like. So this one is more reflective of what I look like these days.)

Here are some noteworthy quotes I've found recently:

ON LIFE MISTAKES & RE-DOs:
BETH MOORE, in a Q&A post on her blog:

Q: If you could live your life all over again, what is the one thing you would do differently?

A: The tears are stinging in my eyes and I’ll have to try hard to keep from sobbing on this one. The list of things I’d do differently is so long, I couldn’t pick one out and the worst of it so appalling that I wouldn’t share it anyway. I have been so stupid. I was so messed up and clueless that my healing took a long danged time. I am as true a testimony of the forgiveness and grace of God of anyone you could know. He has been utterly unreasonable in His love and patience for me and I will love Him forever for it. To love much after I’ve been forgiven much is my hope. ...He is such a Redeemer. His sovereignty is my only peace.

"God knew what He was doing when He created the gift of relationship. The idea of older and younger women coming together to share life, wisdom, laughs, and so much more is brilliant. Every woman needs a friend who's a safety net that will gently catch her and help her back up on her feet when she falls. If you don't have a Titus 2 woman in your life, I encourage you to take the risk and initiative in asking someone who's caught your eye. And consider this, if you're already older, there may be a younger woman who's looking at you! I hope that I won't forget the cycle of the Titus 2 woman; that it's not always being the younger woman who's taught, but also the older woman who passes down wisdom."

Consider this thought experiment. Imagine a man is to be married on February 14th and has sexual relations with a woman who is not his fiancé on:

(a) The night before his wedding.
(b) The day of his wedding.
(c) The day after his wedding.

The action in each instance is the same but the term we’d use to describe the man would depend on when the event occurred: (a) would make the man a cheating cad, (c) and adulterer, and (b) either a cheating cad or an adulterer, depending on the time of day. Regardless of what we choose to call it, the consequence of the action is the same – the man has been unfaithful to the woman. Notice that though the “temporal perspective” changes the semantics, it doesn’t change the fact that the action is immoral.*

Under this view, pre-marital sexual relations become a form of “pre-marital adultery.” We are, in essence, being unfaithful to the one we will eventually pledge emotional and sexual allegiance. Why then do we not honor this obligation? As with most things in life, what we claim to believe is betrayed by our actions. Although unmarried people often claim to believe that they are waiting for their "true love" their actions show that they don’t really believe that to be true. If they seriously believed that their true love existed then how could they be sexually unfaithful to the one person who God has chosen for them?

"Every home has its atmosphere, good or bad, health-promoting or disease-breeding. And parents are, in every case, directly responsible for the nature of the atmosphere in their home; whether they have acted in recognition of this fact, or have gone on without a thought of it. In order to secure a right home atmosphere for their children, parents themselves must be right. They must guard against poisoning the air of the home with unloving words or thoughts...

Parents must, as it were, keep their eyes on the barometer and the thermometer of the social life of the home, and see to it that its temperature is safely moderated, and that it is guarded against the effect of sudden storms. Only as such care is taken by wise parents, can the atmosphere in their home be what the needs of their children require it to be."

"We are usually apt to think that any condition is better than that condition in which God has placed us. ...God, it may be, strikes you in your child--'Oh, if it had been in my possessions' you say, 'I would be content.' Perhaps he strikes you in your marriage. 'Oh,' you say, 'I would rather have been stricken in my health.' And if he had struck you in your health- 'Oh, then, if it had been in my [business], I would not have cared.' But we must not be our own carvers. Whatever particular afflictions God may place us in, we must be content in them."

This may be the most random and lengthy "Show and Tell" in Making Home history, but I'm trying to do a brain dump and clear out my bookmarks. So, you all are the beneficiaries of my desire to downsize my bookmark folders. :)

MIKE HUCKABEE/PRESIDENTIAL RACE 2008

• The GOP's Cynical Use of Religion Has Come to Roost: Even liberal journalists see that evangelicals have been used by the Republican elite, who now want to keep Republicans from choosing a leader that's not from the establishment.
• The View from the Back of the Bus: Evangelicals have bucked the "advice" of their supposed leaders and are choosing candidates that are more diverse than the "leaders" would like.
  
• Stop Lying About Huckabee!
• Mike Huckabee responds to a letter about his record on taxes.
  
• Mitt Romney has a problem... his problem is the fact that what he's said has been recorded. The things he says either sound like a guy completely out of touch with average Americans, or he outright contradicts facts or contradicts things he's previously said. Click to read: Romney's efforts to be an everyday guy at an MLK march (yes, he did say, "who let the dogs out?", and compliment a child for wearing "bling-bling"), Romney's comments about "seeing" his dad march with Martin Luther King, Jr. (even though it never actually happened), and a tongue-in-cheek "Mitt Romney's Dictionary of the English Language". Read here about Romney's viability as a candidate (from a guy who doesn't like my guy... still, we agree about Romney).

• Rush & the New Reagan Coalition
  
• What's Next for Conservative Talk Radio?
• Why Campaign Coverage Sucks: Horse-race journalism works for journalists but fails the public (Ed. note: Finally! Someone admits it!)
  

• Will Roe v. Wade be overturned? One legal expert says it's inevitable.
• Planned Parenthood's agenda
• Not quite the whole story: It's often overlooked or completely ignored that feminist pioneers and leaders were completely against abortion.
• Your Appointment With the Dismemberer- 35 years of abortion... and now an election... what will you do for all the innocents who lose their lives to this "choice"?
  

• Can We Start By Being Honest? What does "keepers at home" mean? And is it a mandate or an ideal?
• Terry followed up the previous article with this: Husbands ARE involved in the home!
  
• Elisabeth Elliot's excellent words on Feminism & Femininity
• Mike Huckabee got pounded for believing what the Bible says about marriage. See his recent debate response about marriage HERE.
  
• Amy weighs in on working women.
• Frugal Homemaker began working around Summer of last year, and she kept a log of how much money she spent vs. how much she made. She writes candidly about the other costs of working... and the toll it has taken on she and her husband.
• Kelly wrote a great series entitled, "Why Would I WANT to Stay Home?" Click to read part one, part two, part three, and part four.
• Mary Mohler talks about "Feminism & Feminists"... worth your time (about one hour) to listen and learn! "We are losing the battle in the post-Christian society in which we live to show the world that we as Christian women celebrate all that God has given us in our assigned role as women."
  
• Another recovering feminist writes about her relationship with her mom and her feminist upbringing: "My Mother, the Feminist"

• My friend Jazzy has put together an excellent website resource for the beginning homeschooler: SUCCESSFUL HOMESCHOOLING. (For you seasoned homeschoolers out there, she's still wanting to make it as good and helpful as it can be, so if you see things that should be added or tweaked, use the "Contact Me" button on her sidebar.)
• How to Proceed with Homeschooling Your Children: Christine has put together some basic, helpful tips about homeschooling
  
• Dealing With Naysayers About Your Decision to Homeschool: Christine offers wise advice about the negative comments homeschoolers can get from relatives and friends alike... and how to be more confident about your decision to homeschool.
  

• Should young women take time to prepare for marriage?
• The Bayly brothers offer sage advice for fathers with adult daughters:
  

  Yes we are to protect... It's our God-given duty. But protection begins at birth, not puberty. Training begins before our daughters can speak, not when they're giving their hearts to a man.

  ...Yes, we have a duty to counsel--and ultimately to give her hand in marriage. But if we suddenly stand and act as men only at the point of romance, when our daughters' hearts are being claimed by others, it's too little too late. The cows are already in the pasture, there's no sense rushing to close the gate.

• Congrats to my friend, Renee, on the adoption of her two sons from Ghana! I'll share two posts with you that have touched my heart as they've brought these boys into their family: FIRSTS- all the things her new sons are experiencing for the first time; and SIMPLE ADJUSTMENTS- some other insights into adjusting to one another in adoption.
  
• Congrats to my friend, EmmyJ, on her continuing weight loss! Check out this post with all her "goals" and her progress so far... it's inspiring!
  

• The Anti-Children Culture
• Get some SLEEP! (and be eco-friendly while you're at it!)
  
• Escape From Polygamy- after reading "Under the Banner of Heaven", I found this article to be an insightful peek into polygamous households.
• Go Green: BREASTFEED! (My fourth "round" of this will begin in approximately 9 weeks!)
  
• Losing our Freedom in a Pornified Culture: Take time to listen to this Al Mohler radio program... it's spot-on!
  
• Younger women growing more Okay with Porn? This is the inevitable decline that happens when culture impacts our young people rather than our young people impacting culture.
• Masculinity & Being Raised By a Single Mom
• My Daddy's Name is "Donor": what happens when technology intervenes in "family planning"
• The Future of the "Quick & Easy" Meal: Does it really exist? And what happens when you don't use convenience foods? This is a long, but very interesting, article... worth your time if you're at all interested.
  
• Someone asked me back in December, "What do you do about Santa Clause?" This blogger's post pretty much sums up my views (and you can read my comment in her comments section). I wonder how others deal with this. (Note to commenter: Sorry I didn't respond until now... I couldn't decide whether to bring up the controversy or not and then it was too late... but this should answer your question, even if it is after the holidays.)
  

Ephesians 5 contains one of the most oft-referenced sections on marriage in the Bible. Verse 33 in particular is a verse that we wives in particular need to pay better attention to:

Can you respect him? DO you respect him?

When we focus solely on love, we too often miss this more important biblical command... that we, as wives, are to respect our husbands. [We are to show love one to another, but husbands are the ones with the specific command to love their wives, while the wives' command is to respect her husband.]

PROBLEMS ARISE WHEN RESPECT IS LACKING
Shaunti Feldhahn's book, "For Women Only", shed some great light on this subject-- essentially, proving that the greatest need men feel (and the greatest lack most men are feeling) is that they are not respected by their wives. When a husband feels disrespected by the one person in life whose opinion (at least at one time) mattered most to him, it becomes increasingly difficult for him to feel successful in other areas of life (work, ministry, friendships, parenting, etc.).

Oftentimes, what will end up happening is that if there is an area where a man feels more respected (perhaps at work, perhaps with a particular person, perhaps in a certain role), he begins to invest more in that place, person, or role because there is the reward of respect from that investment of his time. This is how affairs often start. This is how workaholics are fueled. This is how a dad spends more time coaching others on a team than actual time spent one-on-one with his own child (because he perhaps receives respect and feels rewarded by the "position" of coach).

When men don't feel respected, particularly by their wives, all sorts of problems arise. And God knew this. Which is why He wrote it into His plan for marriage... instructing wives to respect their husbands.

FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO ARE ALREADY MARRIED:
It can be tough. Particularly if you married an unbeliever. Perhaps you married a Christian, but he has backslidden. Perhaps you married someone who has radically changed since your early days of dating. Maybe your husband has made poor financial decisions or career moves. Regardless, our responsibility, as wives, is to "respect".

Think of at least one way that you can begin showing greater respect for your husband. Have you ever written him a letter telling him how much you respect him and a few (or many) reasons why? Perhaps you could spend 1 minute each day this week hugging him and telling him something in particular that you respect him for. (It can be as simple as, "I respect you for getting up each morning and going to work to provide for us", or as detailed and involved as you want it to be.) You may remember that one of my New Year's goals is to begin more intentionally giving verbal respect to Doug-- encouraging him and praising him for the man that he is- not only to him, but to others. We all can (and should) find ways to show greater respect to our husbands, particularly in this culture which tells us to seek- rather than to give- respect. Our husbands need and greatly desire our respect.

FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO AREN'T YET MARRIED:
There's nothing wrong with feelings. They are fine and good, and do help to knit our hearts together. But more urgently, you need to ask yourself, as a Christian woman, "CAN I RESPECT THIS MAN?" If there is a man you are dating, engaged to, or considering marrying, or if there's a man that you've been eying, before you make the commitment, and before you let things go farther, ask: "will I be able to respect him?"

Consider some of these things:

- Can I respect the work that he does?
-Can I respect the relationship he has with God?
- Will I respect him as the spiritual leader of our home?
- Can I give him verbal respect in the presence of others?
- Can I respect his leadership on moral issues (how to raise any children God may give, how many children to have, what kind of church to attend, etc.)?
- Will I respect him in social situations and his interactions with others (with my family, with his family, at get-togethers, etc.)?
- Can I respect his personality style (i.e., Will I resent it when he's not the first one in line for a promotion? Will I resent it if he IS the first one in line for a promotion? Will his sense of humor grate on me and make me resent him? Will I be frustrated by his seriousness?)?
- Can I respect his financial position and continue respecting him if it changes for the worse?
- Can I respect him in sickness and in health (his or mine)? For richer or for poorer? For better or for worse? For the rest of my life?

- Am I really aware that by marrying this man, in order to obey God, I am choosing to respect this man for the rest of our lives?

Tough questions. But they are much better asked on the front end than on the back end. I'll admit, I didn't think in terms of "respect" when I got married. I thought in terms of love, communication, compatibility, and friendship. I DID think in terms of mutual respect, but I confess that I was more concerned about making sure that I was receiving "R-E-S-P-E-C-T" than making sure from my heart that I could give it. (Incidentally, though sung by the soulful Aretha Franklin, that song, "R-E-S-P-E-C-T", was written by a man--which certainly enforces the idea of how critical respect is to men.)

If you are married, I would encourage you to consider these things- and make a change or two in how you may interact with your husband. If you aren't yet married, I would urge you to consider these things as you look at potential spouses, and as you frame the issue of marriage in your mind.

I'm continually amazed at the breadth and depth of the blogosphere... there is so much to learn, so much to read, so much to challenge and encourage. Here's some of the good stuff I've come across in the last week or two. Take a break and pick out some (or all) of these articles to read... I hope you enjoy these great reads as much as I have. Seriously, I know I probably say this every time... but this Show & Tell is FULL of great articles. ~Jess



Some deeper analysis of HOT-BUTTON ISSUES:

• MYTH OF ADOLESCENCE: [In a recent "teach your children about sex" post, I went off on a tangent about the term "teenagers" that was interesting to many of you.] Here's a GREAT summary of how the adolescent years have sadly declined to become seen as years that are expected to be wasted away, when "teens" are really capable of much, much more. Written by one of the Harris brothers (who was himself a teenager when he wrote this), it's a great read. Click to read the "Myth of Adolescence".
• Barbara Curtis, of "MommyLife" blog fame, wrote an interesting article in Crosswalk called, "Why Some Evangelicals Are Throwing out Birth Control." Regardless of where you fall on the issue, it's a good read.
  
• What did the leaders of the Protestant Reformation think about birth control?, you might ponder from time to time. Well, maybe not. But if you're interested in reading a fairly concise summary of how Reformers dealt with the birth control issue, this article is definitely worth reading.
• Another example of pets taking priority over people. Blegh!
• SELECTIVE ABORTION: How a mother could casually choose one child over another and then continue to raise and "love" the "chosen" child is absolutely beyond me... Terry has written a great article about this horrifying issue of our day.
• Newsweek has a heartbreaking and eye-opening article about the continued sexualization of American young daughters, and how it played out at Halloween this year.
• Linda Hirschman has gotten a lot of ink and airtime over the last year by blasting homemaking women. But my bloggy friend over at "The Cappuccino Life" has highlighted an interesting hypocrisy in feminist circles. A WOMAN who stays home with her children is often degraded and made fodder for derision, but a MAN who stays home with his children is praised to the heavens. She points out that, according to their thinking, homemaking is fulfilling... but only if you're a dad!

• Elizabeth considers the Presidential race in her article: POLAR BEARS OR ABORTED CHILDREN? This interesting article examines the choices we have to make when ranking our priorities in the political races that are coming up. For her, it's how does her environmental concerns stack up against her desire to see abortion end. For you, it may be something different- but it's a good read.
• Tamara asks, "Is America Ready for a President in a Skirt?" (just a hint: she ain't talking about Hillary)

• Bekah has written a great article about walking in freedom after being raised in legalism.
• I've been enjoying wearing skirts much more often this last six months, and found this post with some pretty (read: not frumpy) options for wearing skirts, particularly in the colder months. (I especially like the cute greenish plaid one halfway down.)
  
• Anna of Domestic Felicity wrote a great article about her own experience of courtship as a young woman with an imperfect past... "Courtship with a Difficult Background". Let this be a reminder to all of us as we raise our children... to not be closed off towards imperfection in our children or their potential mates, as though we ourselves are without flaw.
  
• Amy Jane has an EXCELLENT article for young women preparing for marriage: HERE COMES THE WEDDING NIGHT. Even if you're already married, you'll want to bookmark this one or print it out for a young woman you know or to save for your own daughter... she has done a very thorough job of addressing real issues surrounding preparation for the wedding night.
• Justin Taylor and his wife have adopted two children and are in process to adopt another. His article about adoption has compiled some very interesting information about adoption-- how Muslims view adoption, how Christians should see adoption, and biblical basis for adopting. VERY interesting read.
  
• The illusion of "The Perfect Family". This pride in perfection (of behavior, spirituality, etc.) is a very common problem that I've seen among homeschooling families I've known- and something we try hard to avoid. Having super-human expectations sets our kids up for failure and ultimately, for rejection of our "fake" and "forced" faith. Here's a couple of interesting quotes that sum up some of my thoughts as well:
  

  "It is vital that our children understand the “why” behind our actions and decisions and if we are too proud or busy to take the time to be open about these things, we will breed rebellion."
  
  "Unrealistic expectations have a very real and detrimental side effect… anger. When perceived expectations and standards aren’t met, anger follows, and it can destroy a family."

• Continuing that theme of how expectations set children up for success or failure, but looking at it from a different angle, Jason's wife examines how LOW EXPECTATIONS set our children up for poor behavior and character.
  
• Truly, balance is where it's at. Les Riley has a great article about neither diminishing nor worshiping the role of the family. He examines the "family-centered" model that many homeschooling families can set as the standard, and calls it what it is: idolatry.
  
• ARE YOU WILLING TO PAY THE PRICE?, is what Camilla asks of parents. The truth is, raising children is HARD work, and it takes a lot of effort on the front end to have children that you actually can enjoy and delight in on the back end. So, young mothers, ARE YOU WILLING?
• Andrea points out that families are one of God's favorite methods of sanctifying us, and that even Christ was placed in a family for His raising and development.
  
• Steph raises a thought-provoking issue: As Christians, are we obligated to keep living (having a heartbeat) no matter what, even if it means being in a vegetative state?