Mr. Prof designer home

Last weekend, my oldest son, asked me, "momma, what does 'spoil' mean?" After a few probing questions, I realized that he was trying to reconcile two different meanings of the word: (1) that Nana and Papa "spoil" them whenever they're together, and (2) --from a book we read-- Rudyard sadly overhears his friends saying, "I hope Rudyard doesn't come! That would spoil everything!" (Rudyard doesn't realize they're talking about walking in too soon to his own surprise party, but I digress.)

So I explained the meanings to him, and he seemed satisfied. But apparently, he didn't really get it, because...

This weekend, after Nana (my mom) had taken the boys to the zoo, while they were driving home, he excitedly said, "Nana, I love the way you spoil everything!"

First off, we've been buying fresh produce and organic cheeses at the Dallas Farmers' Market, and lo and behold, I looked down, and check out the label on our organic mozzerella (sorry it's a blurry picture!). It strikes me as funny that I've been reading about and considering the issues surrounding birth control, and then come to find out I'm buying my cheese from "Full Quiver Farms" (this is GREAT FIND #1 in today's show & tell extravaganza).

(For those of you who have no idea what I'm talking about regarding my own struggle through the birth control issue, you may want to read some of my previous posts about Christians & birth control: Who You Calling a Liar?, Birth Controlled, and The High Stakes of Determining God's Will Regarding Birth Control. And FYI, I'm still not solidly in one "camp" or another, but I'm definitely searching the scriptures and the counsel of wise and godly people on this important family issue.)

GREAT FIND #2: Here is a VERY insightful and well-thought-out dialogue about Christians and birth control, written by one of my favorite authors & teachers, Randy Alcorn. Written as though it's a conversation between two friends, one of whom is very open to any birth control, and the other who is (basically) a quiverfuller, I believe you'll find it interesting to examine this issue from many different angles as Alcorn does in this article.

GREAT FIND #3: If you don't know what the quiverfull movement is, here is a video of a fairly balanced ABCNews segment specifically focused on this growing movement (incidentally, it's hosted by Martin Bashir, the man who did the infamous Michael Jackson interview).

GREAT FIND #4: A journalist peers into the lives of quiverfull moms, particularly in light of the Andrea Yates tragedy, in order to see the real day-to-day issues that come up as a mom of a large family. Her interviews of many different moms reveals perspectives and misperceptions that people have about the quiverfull movement.

GREAT FIND #5: One quiverfull mom writes a thoughtful response to a letter written to her husband which reprimanded him, saying, "Mr Phillips, Stop Having Children!"

GREAT FIND #6: This well-written thought-provoking article, called "Imagine," will challenge you to see children and family in a much more eternal perspective.

GREAT FIND #7: Another favorite author, Elizabeth Elliot, writes a great letter addressed to young moms who may not understand their mother's hesitancy to rejoice in each additional pregnancy. It begins, "When I learned that my daughter Valerie was expecting number five, my insides tied themselves in knots."

Where do I find my own conviction in the midst of all these opinions?, you may be asking. Here's what I've come to, thus far: the Bible certainly puts children in positive terms (as a blessing, an inheritance, and a gift), and so if we ever find ourselves viewing children in a negative way, we are not having a biblical perspective. It could be that a worldly "lie" has snuck into our worldview, or it could be that we are not operating our family and home according to biblical principles. But whenever we start seeing children as burdens rather than blessings (even in our day-to-day interactions with our kiddos), we can be sure that "somethin ain't right!"

Additionally, one of the primary biblical purposes for marriage IS having children, so if you are considering marriage, being open to children is a part of that. If you say, "well, I'm ready for marriage but not for children," then you are not seeing it from a realistic (nor a biblical) viewpoint. Though you may think you can "prevent" against children, there are way too many people I know that have conceived while actively using contraception of various kinds.

I do think that if you compare the church's views on these things today with what the church believed 100 years ago, it is evident that we have taken on more of the world's perspective on this issue than we would like to admit. It was not until the Planned Parenthood mentality (that children are to be prevented and it's *right* to do so) became pervasive that Christians began openly and unapologetically using birth control. It is not coincidental that the rise of a society that devalues children has happened alongside the rise of the church's devaluing of children.

Generally speaking, these are the things I've learned on this issue so far. I have so much more I could share, but so many things I'm considering and thinking of fall under the realm of "personal conviction and thoughts." I hope you if you haven't already clicked on some of them, you'll scroll back up and pick out one of these "Show & Tell" finds to read!

Here is a fun fashion meme that I found on a friend's blog! I found it interesting, and since the Proverbs 31 woman was described as concerned about buying fabrics and clothing her family in choice colors, well then, I think we have the freedom to spend a little time on the feminine topic of fashion as well!

A: What accessories do you wear everyday? I wear my watch, my wedding ring, and a ring that my husband had made for me two Christmas' ago that says "Jesus is Lord" in Chinese script.

B: What is your beauty routine? (Imagine my laughter.) I'm not very good at routines like this. But I suppose a shower, followed by fixing my hair (which, since I cut my hair, takes about 5 minutes, rather than having to choose between careful blowdrying for 15 minutes or a ponytail). I do use a moisturizer every day. Do those things , however haphazardly executed, constitute a routine?

C: What was the last item of clothing (for yourself) that you purchased? I bought this blue jean skirt on eBay (pictured below), and I LOVE it! It hangs just right, flows just right, and doesn't need a slit because it isn't tight! I love it- it's modern, but feminine, and can be paired easily with just about anything!

D: Do you use a dresser, closet, or both? I'm a dresser girl. I never get things hanging back in the closet. Most of my stuff is folded kind of stuff anyway, since I'm not big on ironing, and so I typically buy fabrics that can be folded without having to worry about wrinkles. And in our apartment in Central Asia, we don't have closets anyway, so it's a good thing.

E: What type of earrings are in your ears right now? None. I rarely wear earrings.

F: What type of figure do you have? I'm a figure 8. I've got lots of curves but a definite waist.

G: Do you wear glasses? Yup! (Check em out over on my profile picture to the upper right!) I'm going to go get some new ones soon, because my vision gets worse with each pregnancy, and I've been having severe headaches from visual strain lately.

H: What type of handbag do you carry? I have a fun brown purse I got in Thailand for about $2 US. I love carrying it if I'm going somewhere without the kids. If I've got my little bundle of sweetness with me, then I carry a beautiful plum-toned Vera Bradley baby bag I got before we headed overseas.

I: What is your ideal style? Well, if that isn't a difficult question, I don't know what is! I know my ideal colors- browns and greens. But style? I love seventies-ish flowing skirts and tunic tops, I love simple classics (like solid cableknit sweaters), but then I also increasingly have an eye for unique things (asian-style box-toed shoes, or flowing dyed-cotton skirts from Thailand). I'm finding it hard to find a box to put myself into.

J: What jewelry are you wearing right now? My watch and 2 rings. I often wear a James Avery silver necklace with a small pearl pendant.

K: Do you wear knee-hi stockings? Not unless I'm wearing dressy black pants. Then I will, but only because I don't want to wear pantyhose.

L: Do you *have* to wear matching lingerie? Nope, especially since I've been nursing for more than three years out of the last five years of my life. They don't (to my limited-budget knowledge) make beautiful, matching undergarments for the nursing mom (besides just matching white/white and black/black).

M: Do you wear makeup, and if so, what products do you use? Not everyday, but when I do, I wear a light powder foundation and a little eye makeup (liner, shadow, and mascara). It is EXTREMELY rare for me to wear lipstick, and even MORE rare for me to wear blush.

N: Do you wear nightgowns? Yes. For Christmas this year, I gave my hubby the gift that keeps on giving: I told him that I would wear something pretty to bed every night for the entire next year. I've been loving it (and, if I do say so myself, he has too)!

O: What outerwear do you put on when going out on a typical winters day? Depends on where we are. If we're in bitter cold, I have an inside jacket from Columbia and an outer wet-protection layer from Marmot. I have different colors of matching scarves and hats (green, maroon, and black).

P: What is your favorite perfume? Happy by Clinique.

Q: Is your motto "quality over quantity" when it comes to clothing and accessories? Definitely. Although I don't always buy that way, I regret it when I don't! I'll take one favorite piece over 5 cute but poorly made pieces of clothing any day of the week!

R: Do you wear rain boots? Never have. I don't even think I did when I was a kid.

S: Do you wear socks or slippers when your feet get cold? Socks in the US, slippers in Central Asia.

T: Do you have a set of travel luggage? Definitely. We have a Samsonite set of suitcases, and then a collection of 8 really great large duffle bags that we used to get ourselves and all our stuff overseas.

U: What is your daily uniform? A basic bottom (right now, khaki pants, a jean skirt, or black pants) with a pretty top (on average, probably a green top of some ilk, but could be an olive Asian-style blouse, or a pretty Eddie Bauer sweater, or a thin brown tunic from Thailand).

V: If you are married, did you wear a veil with your wedding dress? If not, how did you do your hair? Yes, I had a rear veil, attached with a comb under my up-do. I'll have to show off wedding pictures sometime... if you don't know my wedding story, I'm sure you'd find it interesting.

W: Do you wear a watch? Yes. I got one in Thailand because I was always having to ask my husband what time it was. I bought a sporty navy Timex that is understated but can survive kids chewing on it, and being under bathwater.

X: What item of clothing always makes you feel eXtremely beautiful? My jean skirt. I really, REALLY like it! (Can you tell? I think this is the 3rd time I've mentioned it in this post!)

Y: What is your favorite type of yarn? Cotton or Cashmere to wear, and fine brushed high-thread-count cotton to sleep on!

Z: Do you prefer zippers or buttons? Depends on the item of clothing. On pants and skirts, I like zippers and hidden clasps because I don't need anything else pooching my stomach out. But on tops, I like plain front tops. So when do I like buttons? Maybe on a nice cardigan.

Hello readers, new and old! This is my hundredth blog post and this also happens to be the week of a get-to-know-new-blogs event hosted by two twin bloggers. In honor of that, here's a brief run-down of what you'll find here at Making Home.

If you're new to these parts, please look around... I've written pieces on the hot topic of sex & the Christian, the often controversial issue of our roles as women, and the discarded-by-modern-society idea that children are a blessing. And I recently did a series called "The Jesus-Centered Home", to give you simple, practical ideas for making your home honoring to God. If you scroll down, on the righthand sidebar are a list of categories, and you can select those that are most interesting to you and read through. I'd be honored to have you sit down and stay a while!

My aim here is to challenge other women to rise above the mediocrity we're often presented with by the American Christian culture. Most of all, I want to be a woman whose life is pleasing to my Creator. Blessings to you!

Lately, I've been considering those verses that talk about spiritual maturity in terms of physical growth. You know the ones I'm talking about? In 1 Corinthians 3, we read about those who are infants in Christ, when Paul laments, "I fed you with milk, not solid food, for you were not ready for it. And even now you are not yet ready."

Hebrews 5 serves as a warning to those who have stagnated in their spiritual walk, "though by this time you ought to be teachers, you need someone to teach you again the basic principles of the oracles of God. You need milk, not solid food, for everyone who lives on milk is unskilled in the word of righteousness, since he is a child." It goes on to say, "solid food is for the mature, who by constant use have trained themselves to distinguish good from evil."

So there is a clear distinction, then, between the babe in Christ and the matured Christian, that pivots on what they are taking in. What is milk for an infant? Simple food, that by someone else's effort is put into a container that can make it easily consumable for the baby. And isn't that the kind of spiritual "food" most Christians are consuming? A Sunday sermon, already chewed up and presented in a nice, neat package so that they can easily consume it.

Do you see these words in the Hebrews passage: "unskilled" (referring to spiritual babies), and "trained themselves" (referring to spiritually mature)? These words refer to the way we handle the Word of God. We need to be skilled, mature, one who has no need to be ashamed, rightly handling the word of truth (2 Tim. 2:15). It requires effort and diligence on our part. It requires that we train ourselves to do more than sit back and drink milk.

1 Peter 2 tells us that, "Like newborn babies," a new Christian should "crave pure spiritual milk, so that by it you may grow up in your salvation." A newborn baby will not automatically grow on its own. It must take in milk fed to it from another source. We, too, when we are baby Christians, need the help of others. But as we grow in our walk with Christ, we ought to be more capable of dealing with the Bible, and growing from what we ourselves are taking in. We ought to be better students, and thus better teachers. It should not be the case that we "drink a little milk" (i.e., Sunday sermons) once a week.

We know instinctively that we will not grow if we only eat once a week. But we do this in our spiritual lives, and we seal our fate. Just as physical growth and maturation is dependent upon our physical food, our spiritual growth and maturity is dependent upon our what we take in from God. There is no way for us to grow if we are not willing to start moving beyond milk, and chewing up the meaty words of God for ourselves.

Let me challenge you, if you are not in the word of God regularly, taking in your own spiritual food: let's move beyond milk. Focus in on one small book or passage and begin to chew on it. Meditate on it. Type it up and print it out and tape it on the wall near where you do dishes. Leave the Bible opened up to that passage. Get online and read it in multiple versions, so you can begin to see it from different angles. Begin chewing up the word of God for yourself, and let's shoot for maturity together.

Have you ever had a friend that you knew wasn't "good" for you? A friend that gives/gave you "permission" to be less than what God wants/wanted you to be?

MY STORY
I had a friend like that growing up. I begged for time with her, berated and argued with my parents for freedom to be friends with her, and told them not to worry- she was a Christian! She was then and is now a close friend. I'm thankful for our friendship now, and I'm thankful that she is now walking with the Lord.

But growing up with that friendship as my closest friendship gave me "permission" to do many things I'm now ashamed of, to walk in ways that led to sin, and to be exposed to things that I never would have otherwise known about. That friendship was my one "invitation to the party" of sin, so to speak. If that one friendship hadn't existed, or hadn't been allowed to continue, how many things might have been different in my adolescent and teenage years?

I am sharing this not as a confession of sin (as these things have all been long confessed and openly acknowledged), as a complaint against my parents (as I understand the struggle they went through over this friendship, and know they did the best they could), nor as a regret of the ultimate outcome of that friendship (as I dearly love this friend of mine and God has graciously brought us both to walk with Him as adults), but as a way of encouraging you to help your children to select good friends, and as a challenge to you to pull your children out of harms way in this area.

CONFLICTING FEELINGS
We all want our children to grow up to be responsible adults; ideally, we want them to have enough freedom to make "affordable mistakes" while they're still at home. Part of the conflict that I know my own parents dealt with has to do with freedom vs. protection. How much should we interfere? Shouldn't we let our children "learn the ropes" of friendship through the hard knocks that come on the playground and the backyard?

But my exhortation to you is this: "bad company corrupts good character". You CAN and you should protect your children in this way.

If my parents had tried to interfere, would I have fought tooth and nail to keep this friendship? Yes. Would I have been angry and hateful and spouted venomous words? Yes. Would I have acted as if the whole world was coming to an end and I would never have forgiven them? Yes. But would I have gotten over it eventually? Yes. And would I ultimately have been far more protected from the influences of the world? Yes, I believe so.

WHAT CAN BE DONE
Again, this is not a condemnation of my friend or my parents, as I love them all very much, and am extremely grateful for the grace of God that rescued me (and her) from the pit.

But this is a challenge to you: be strong. Be the parent. Be the protector of this person that God has entrusted to you. If your child is enamored with a friend who is enamored with the world, start now to help your child put distance between them. If they fight you on it, be firm. If your child is not yet involved in such a friendship, begin now to build this into their internal conscience: to know how to evaluate and select godly friends. To know when to back off from a relationship that would tear them down. To recognize that this is not an area you want to have to "step into". Let them know that you love them enough to step in if they make a really bad choice in this area (just as you would do if they were about to put their hand on a hot burner). Build this into your child's character as an area that will prove critical to their adolescent and young adult lives.

This one area of the companions they keep can set them on the pathway to righteousness or the pathway to sin. You may be saying, "yes, but YOU came out okay, Jessica. You made it through OK... you're serving God now." And yes, by His grace, all those things are true. And I am SO thankful. I love this friend, and I am thankful for God's grace at work in my life and in hers as well, but this post isn't about my past, but about your child's future.

Ultimately, I just wanted to share my own story and affirm this: "Do not be deceived: Bad company corrupts good character."