Mr. Prof designer home

"One must either stop reading the Bible altogether, or else leave off spending one's whole time in just doing easy pleasant things one likes to do."

The challenge Elizabeth Prentiss gives us, in this fictional work based on parts of her own life, is to press on and press in to Christ, the Sanctifying One, Who knows us better than we know ourselves and truly, will not give us more than we can bear (1 Cor. 10). The central woman in the story, Katherine (or Katy for short), had relatives living with her for the almost the whole of her married life, lost several of her children to death and disease, and fought to keep control of her tongue. An incredible model for us as a mother, wife, and child of God, her desire is to grow, be a blessing, and seek God above all for the entirety of her life.

I will share some thoughts, as they came to me throughout the reading of the book. I'll have to do this in a two-part series because there is so much to share. Starting out, we find a young, married Katherine, learning and striving to give the best of herself and her home to others who are often less than deserving.

When we first meet Charley Underhill, he has arranged to "tutor" some young, single women in their "studies," at a time when no such arrangement would have been undertaken by a respectable man with honorable intentions. Despite her mother's warnings, he and Katy become engaged. The event which causes him to end their engagement is her sickness. He declares that he cannot stand to be around anyone who coughs, as it reminds him of his dying mother.

Later, once Katy is matured and long married, she re-encounters Charley with his wife, her former best friend Amelia. In due time, Amelia develops a horrendous cough, which rouses Charley's hatred of her, and causes her eventual death. One detail is included which struck me and has gotten me thinking... when Charley would come around her deathbed, he did so while puffing heartily on a cigar. Certainly, this horrid habit perpetuated her coughing, the very thing he so despised. (This story is from "Stepping Heavenward.")

It causes me to ask myself, as Charley apparently never did, what do I do that causes, motivates, or encourages others to engage in behaviors or respond in ways that I dislike? Here are some things that I've been turning around in my head, that you might also consider:

* Do I participate in any level of gossip or discussion that might encourage a person prone to gossip to do so with me?
* Do I cook such rich and fattening dishes that my husband or children have a weight problem?
* Do I habitually criticize others and thus cause others to have the lack of self-respect and inability to make a decision that so frustrates me?
* Do I decorate my home or dress in such an extravagant way that people don't feel welcome?
* Do I dress in such a way that makes other women view me as competition rather than a friend?
* Do I avoid inviting people into my life but then bemoan that no one wants to be my friend?
* Do I avoid honesty and intimacy with others but then get frustrated with a husband or friend who doesn't seem to know me?
* Do I overeat and dress unattractively or avoid intimacy, and thus set my husband out to be lured into sin?
* Do I horde my children and prefer to keep them close and then get frustrated that they cannot entertain themselves or be with other people?
* Do I pursue base interests in life but get frustrated when people treat me as a shallow person?

Perhaps there are other things that you can think of? What other ways do we sabotage our own lives by encouraging or causing someone else to do things that frustrate, hurt, or anger us? This is not to excuse others, but rather, to examine our own lives to determine if we are engaging in behaviors or attitudes that are self-defeating and other-defeating. To determine if we are the cause but don't like the effect.

So, talk with me: what other behaviors might someone engage in that would cause unintended or frustrating behaviors in others?

I have, as of late, begun reading E. Prentiss' "Stepping Heavenward," and might I be so forward as to suggest that if you have not yet, you ought to apprehend a copy as soon as you are able and thus familiarize yourself with this classic work?

Written in the early 1800s, it reads in a cadence similar to that of my opening sentence, which may offput some, but the honesty and struggle detailed within will challenge you as you consider your own walk with Christ and ultimate sanctification.

I will likely write a summary of this excellent book when I finish, but for now, I want to share some thoughts that are included in the book from a letter written to Katy by her pastor, Dr. Cabot, concerning sanctification:

"What his methods will be with you I cannot foretell. But you may be sure that He never works in an arbitrary way. He has a reason for everything He does."

When faced with a trial, our first question is often, "why?" Which really shows presumption on our part that (1) the reasons may ever be knowable to us, and (2) we ought to know why certain things happen. But have we not read or known that to be a follower of Jesus means that we share in His sufferings? Would we prefer to share in Christ's Heaven without Christ's hardships? But we must consider then that you cannot have one without the other. (See 1 Peter 4:12-13, 2 Corinthians 1:5, and Romans 8:17-18.) To be saved is to submit oneself entirely over to the person of Christ.

Cabot's letter continues, "Having been pardoned by your God and Savior, the next thing you have to do is show your gratitude for this infinite favor by consecrating yourself entirely to Him, body, soul, and spirit. This is the least you can do.

'But,' you may reply, 'this is contrary to my nature. I love my own way. I desire ease and pleasure... Can I not give myself so far to God as to feel a sweet sense of peace with Him, and be sure of final salvation, and yet, to a certain extent, indulge and gratify myself? If I give myself entirely away to Him, and lose all ownership in myself, He may deny me many things I greatly desire. He may make my life hard and wearisome, depriving me of all that now makes it agreeable.'

He hits it on the head, doesn't he? We often want to have the blessings of Christ (His peace and salvation) without wanting the whole of Christ (which, surely, includes suffering in the world and hatred from the world). And yet, Cabot explains, God does not harm us for harm's sake:

"As soon as you become the Lord's by your own deliberate and conscious act, He will begin that process of sanctification which is to make you holy as He is holy... He will use no painful remedy that can be avoided. Remember that it is His will that you should be sanctified, and that the work of making you holy is His, not yours.

"God does nothing arbitrary. If He takes away your health, for instance, it is because He has some reason for doing so; and this is true of every thing you value; and if you have real faith in Him you will not insist on knowing this reason."

But in this "information age," we feel we ought to know all the reasons for everything. We cannot rest until every medical problem is explained, and until every one of our "whys" are promptly answered by God, Who we have put on trial. Now He must answer our questions. He must be the one caught stammering, as if His actions are reckless and careless. As if the Creator of all the universe must answer to one of the small, sinful creatures He formed from dust.

When difficult times come, ought we not then all the more lean on the everlasting arms? When sickness strikes, or jobs lost, or plans shattered, ought we not then all the more lean into Him Who has always been proven faithful and true?

We do not have control over what happens to us in life. Nor do we have control of how others react. We do not even have control of our health or our feelings... but Dr. Cabot tells Katy of a few things that are within our power to do:

"You can will to choose for yourself associates those who are most devout and holy.

You can will to read books that will stimulate you in your Christian life, rather than those that merely amuse.

You can will to prefer a religion of principle to one of mere feeling: in other words, to obey the will of God when no comfortable glow of emotion accompanies your obedience.

You cannot will to possess the spirit of Christ; that must come as His gift; but you can choose to study His life, and to imitate it."

What a challenge he wrote to her, and to us! To bow to the Father rather than our feelings. To choose friends not for the sake of ease of conversation or sense of humor, but as a means to becoming more like Christ. To opt for challenging literature over the entertainment of fiction. To study Christ on a daily basis rather than just sing His praises on Sunday.

I feel challenged and spurred on by this man of God in a fictional novel from nearly 200 years ago, and it is my prayer that his words have done the same for you.

Ikea just announced a new plan to charge customers for each plastic bag they use. With the popularity of Ikea, I doubt this will affect their sales (by that I mean that I doubt people will stop going to Ikea because of a 5-cents-a-bag charge).

Half Price Books has instituted a different policy with the same end goal to reduce plastic bag usage: they give away free reusable canvas tote bags with any purchase over $30. We're big Half Price Books fans, and we now have more than one bag. I love them- they're great overnight bags for the kids, great for the boys to play with, and perfect for toting books around.

When we were in Hong Kong, we were impressed with a community-wide habit of carrying reusable bags to stores for groceries, books, and other purchases. Hong Kong residents throw away over 35 million plastic bags each year, and city efforts to educate consumers of the environmental impact have been effective. You could spot people on their way to the store because they had empty canvas bags and rolling carts: people there are becoming committed to environmental protection.

Americans throw away over 100 billion plastic bags each year; the ecological impact is obvious. But the spiritual implication has become fuzzy, in this modern age where politically-conservative Christians have written off environmentalists as kooks. However, as Christians, we ought to be concerned with being good stewards of God's creation.

Studies show that paper bags don't have an environmental "edge" over plastic... the real answer is that we ought to be more intentional about using sturdy, reusable bags. And when we forget (as we all can do from time to time) to bring a reusable bag when we buy groceries, we need to make sure we re-use the plastic bags that we get from stores.

Here are some ideas:

• Keep at least one sturdy, reusable bag in the trunk of your car.
• Pull the bag out of the trunk before you leave your house to head to the store, so that you will remember to bring it in with you.
• Use the bags for groceries, at clothing stores, when you purchase books, and any other place where you're likely to get a plastic bag.
• When you get plastic bags from retailers, use them as trash bags in bathroom trash cans, to tie up stinky diapers, to wrap up freezer foods to give another layer against frostbite, to take items to donation centers, or re-use them for your own purposes.

"Full of grace and truth" is the description of Jesus we find in the first chapter of John. In a previous installation of the Jesus-Centered Home, we discussed having our homes be full of truth. Shouldn't our homes, as an extension of our Lord, also be full of grace?

Biblically Speaking...
Grace is commonly defined as "unmerited favor", and Romans 11 notes that if grace is offered based on works, it ceases to be grace. Our salvation is made possible by grace (Acts 15:11); when the apostles were full of power in the Spirit, they were also full of grace (Acts 4:33); and when our sin increases, grace increases all the more (Romans 5). And yet, we are not to sin in order to receive grace (Romans 6). God gives grace to the afflicted (Proverbs 3:34), to the righteous and upright (Psalm 84), the weak (2 Corinthians 12:9), and the needy (Hebrews 4:16). Our speech should always be seasoned with grace (Colossians 4:6).

How then do we implement this idea of grace in our homes?
These scriptural ideas of grace give us some guidance as to how we ought to bring graciousness into our homes. Some of my thoughts and observations:
(1) When we are parenting in the Spirit, grace will abound.
(2) We ought to extend grace generously, particularly when one is hurting.
(3) Grace extended to our families will not be based on merit.
(4) And yet, our children ought not be allowed to abuse graciousness.

What does grace look like?
Generosity, kindness, and surprises. This doesn't necessarily mean extravagance, although at times it may involve spending our money. The suggestion, "let's make playdough together," spoken to a child who has lately been set on disobedience can be an example of grace. Unexpectedly surprising them with something they've been wanting can be another. "Why don't you stay up with us and we can ______," may be a very surprising extension of grace to a child in need of time together. It seems to me that time together, small thoughtful gifts, and ideas that speak to the unique delights of each child (offering a half-hour of coloring to a crafty child, cooking a special dish together for a child who always wants to cook, watching a not-one-of-my-favorites movie together because it's your child's favorite) can all be incredible examples of grace.

Unmerited favor. How many times has God given you unexpected gifts: bumping into a good friend at the store, the unique comedy of comments made by preschoolers, and treats that come right in the midst of the grind daily life (a 6th floor apartment with a great view, your favorite song on the radio just as you get into the car, or a shirt in just the right size and color on the clearance rack for $6.98)? Our God is a gracious God who gives to us excessively and extravagantly, beyond what we even realize and acknowledge Him for. We ought to extend to our children the same kind of grace God has marvellously given to us.

What if our grace is abused?
How can we make our homes full of grace without having completely rambunctious children who take advantage of our kindness and without regretting our offer of grace? We can guard against this by making sure that our children are well-disciplined. Certainly, we are to discipline our children, but that's another issue for another day.

The point is, grace ought to abound. Christian homes centered on rules and rigidity are not examples of the kind of grace we see in the New Testament. God gives grace to sinners, particularly when we are downcast and weak.

The wonder of grace is that it IS unmerited... that it is not offered based on who deserves it. That wonder ought to flow through the Christian home.

It's a dirty word in most circles. In recent days I've been reading Elisabeth Elliot's book about it. It has nothing to do with child-rearing or spanking, and everything to do with oneself. Discipline.

I want to share the high points of what I've read with you, in order that it might challenge you, as well as remind me of this excellent book, "Discipline: The Glad Surrender." I will try to limit myself, but this book is rich with lessons for today's convenience-driven, and often undisciplined, woman. It's a long post, but let me encourage you to take the time to thoughtfully read through the points she makes; it will be well worth your time.

She challenges us: "Christian discipline means placing oneself under orders. It is no mere business of self-improvement... The disciple is one who has made a very simple decision. Jesus invites us to follow Him, and the disciple accepts the invitation."

2 Corinthians 5:15 tells us that the reason Christ died for us was not to make us good church attenders, or to have a few people teach a class or join the choir, but "that those who live might no longer live for themselves but for Him who for their sake died and was raised." Living for Jesus as His disciple may include these good things, but doing these things does not make us disciples. I'll go section by section and share with you some of the ways that Mrs. Elliot challenged me.

THE DISCIPLINE OF THE BODY
ON EATING:
"Christians ought to watch what they eat... I do not refer here only to overeating, which is a bad thing, but to eating the wrong things."

"Gluttony, one of the more obvious modern sins, is generally tacitly accepted. Little is said about it from the pulpit. It is too embarrassing; it gets too close to where the people, often including the preacher, live. No one who is fat dares to preach about it- he has no room to talk. Seldom will one who is not fat have the courage to broach the subject, for he will be told he has no business to talk since he has 'never had a weight problem.' Who then is left to talk?"

ON SLEEP:
"Sleep is another necessity... my father had a ready answer for those who expressed incredulity at his 'ability' to get up so early in the morning: 'You have to start the night before.' "

ON SEX:
"To offer my body to the Lord as a living sacrifice includes offering to him my sexuality and all that that entails, even my unfulfilled longings."

THE DISCIPLINE OF THE MIND
"The Eastern art of meditation is not, I believe, similar to Christian meditiation... Do not try to think about nothing. 'Set your mind,' Paul says, not, 'empty your mind.' "

ON CONFESSION OF SIN:
"There is an admission of imperfection... that is not the same as genuine confession of sin. Instead, it smacks of the wish to be one with the crowd rather than one with Him whom the world hated."

ON HOW WE TREAT OTHERS:
"The wordly mind says, 'Look, I'm human. Don't expect me to love that woman, not after what she did to my family. It's impossible.' The word of Christ is, 'Love your enemies. Do good to them that hate you.' This is indeed impossible, as it was impossible for Peter to walk on the sea, until he obeyed the command."

"I have found it necessary sometimes deliberately to refuse thoughts of what someone has done to me and to ask for help to dwell on what Christ has done for that person and wants to do for him and for me, for I am sure that my treatment of people depends on how I think about them."

"There is a common belief that a frank expression of what one naturally feels and thinks is always a good thing because it is 'honest.' This is not true. If the feelings and thoughts are wrong in themselves, how can expressing them verbally add up to something good?"

ON DISOBEDIENCE:
"Much sickness -physical, mental, and emotional- surely must come from disobedience. When the soul is confronted with an alternative of right or wrong and chooses to blur the distinction, making excuses... it is exposed to infection. Evil is given the opportunity to invade the mind, the spirit, and the body..."

THE DISCIPLINE OF PLACE
"Christianity teaches righteousness, not rights. It emphasizes honor, not equality. A Christian's concern is what is owed to the other, not what is owed to himself."

"Gert Behanna [in a talk given long before the women's liberation movement began] asks women who hate housework if they would be willing to iron a shirt or cook a meal for Jesus. To make any kind of service, no matter how menial, an offering to Him puts a whole new light on it."

"Children must receive due honor... The rights of children include being cared for physically, spiritually, and mentally, but surely do not include the right to be heard in matters they know nothing about or to be treated as equals with parents and teachers. To grant them that right is to wrong them."

THE DISCIPLINE OF TIME
" 'My times are in Thy hands.' Quite often they seem to be in other people's hands. When I wish for solitude and no interruptions, the phone rings, people come, mail arrives that demands immediate action. Do I imagine that the interruptions come as a surprise to the Lord? Are they not, just as much as the planned things, a part of the pattern of things that work together for good?"

WHAT WE CAN LEARN FROM JESUS' TIME ON EARTH:
"He took time to rest... Still He was able to make that amazing claim, 'I have finished the work You gave me to do.' This was not the same as saying He had finished everything He could possibly think of to do or that He had done everything others had asked. He made no claim to have done what He wanted to do. The claim was that He had done what had been given."

ON DAILY LIFE:
"There is always enough time to do the will of God. When we find ourselves frantic and frustrated, harried and harrassed and hassled, it is a sign that we are running on our own schedule, not on God's."

"Many busy Christians find they must schedule "free" time- time to be quiet, to read books, to be with family. ...There is nothing dishonest about telling someone, 'I'm sorry. That evening is not open.' If it has been set aside for quietness or for family, it is not open to other activities."

THE DISCIPLINE OF POSSESSIONS
"Because God gives us things indirectly [by enabling us to make them, receive them as gifts, or earn money to buy them], we are prone to forget that He gave them to us. '...What do you possess that was not given you? If then you really received it all as a gift, why take the credit to yourself?' (1 Cor. 4:7) "

"The most overwhelming losses of my life, those that I feared most, have in fact been, '...far outweighed by the gain of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord...' I cannot demonstrate it logically or scientifically... I would say with all my heart to others, 'Do not be afraid. The gain will outweigh everything.' "

A test [for measuring your attachment to possessions]: "How do you respond when your possessions are damaged, destroyed, stolen? Are you willing to be defrauded? Are you worried about what belongs to you? Are your fists clenched or are your palms open? Who is your master- God or money? What are you running after?"

"We often say that what is ours belongs to Christ . Do we remember the opposite: that what is His is ours? That seems to me a wonderful truth... if it is so, how can we really 'lose' anything? How can we even speak of His having the 'right' to our possessions?"

THE DISCIPLINE OF WORK

"There is no such thing as Christian work. That is, there is no work in the world which is, in and of itself, Christian. Christian work is any kind of work, from cleaning a sewer to preaching a sermon, that is done by a Christian and offered to God."

"Does God ever ask us to do what is beneath us? This question will never trouble us again if we consider the Lord of heaven taking a towel and washing feet."

"It is the one for whom a job is done who gives it its meaning. ...When I remember to look up instead of around me and to offer the work to the Lord, it [is] much easier and more pleasant."

THE DISCIPLINE OF FEELINGS
"Note that self-control is one of the fruits of the Spirit. Here is evidence again of man's responsibility to cooperate with God in His work. It is not all "Spirit control." Self-control is essential."

"Obedience to God is always possible. It is a deadly error to fall into the notion that when feelings are extremely strong we can do nothing but act on them."

"Let us be honest in recognizing feelings and honest enough to reject them when they are wrong."

"Do not debunk feelings as such. Remember they are given to us as part of our humanity. Do not try to fortify yourself against emotions. Recognize them... and then lay them open before the Lord for His training of your responses."

This week's show and tell links all have to do with abortion... please, please, please- choose at least one of these links and read it through. You'll be glad you did.

Time magazine's cover story this week is about crisis pregnancy centers. They now outnumber abortion providers across the nation, but pro-abortion groups are protesting their legality.

This baby, born in her 21st week of gestation, is the youngest baby ever to have survived outside the womb. Now home with mom and dad, it's a scary story for pro-abortionists who would still have women believe that a baby this young is just a blob of tissue, unable to sustain life outside the womb.

Studies now show that the morning-after pill has bamboozled most American women, as 92% of women believe the abortion pill to be safe, and 98% believe it to be effective. Safe and effective for who?

The Tennessee legislature is considering issuing death certificates for aborted babies, in order to have an accurate record of how many children are being killed. There's also word of this being done for miscarried babie as well. Interesting ideas, although I'm not sure of the feasibility.

India has had gender-selection abortions for years now, allowing the preference for boys to create a crisis in which millions of girls are missing from society. The government will now offer special orphanages, where government will "parent" these unwanted girls.

Can you hear the deafening silence surrounding a forced abortion in Italy? If this teenager had been forced to carry a child to term, or forced to get her parents' approval of an abortion she wanted, feminists would be up in arms. Though she desired to have the baby she was carrying, she was forced to have an abortion.

All of these are interesting articles that tackle the issues involved in the ongoing debate over the lives of millions of American babies. I hope you'll take a minute to read one or two of them!

As I continue this series to help give simple ideas about transforming our families and homes to be places where Christ is honored above all things, I want to share something that we do.

EVERYDAY LIFE
One of our aims is to take common, everyday events and things we see and use them to teach eternal truth. Whenever we have the opportunity, we bring things back to the Bible. Sometimes we may miss an opportunity but we are constantly trying to teach our children to see things from God's point of view.

FOR EXAMPLE?
When we see common things such as a traffic accident, a child having a tantrum, a TV couple being rude to each other, or a beggar on the streets, we make comments and ask questions that help our kiddos to see it from God's perspective. Like, "Oh, let's stop and pray for whoever was in that car." Or, "what did you think about that little boy screaming at his mommy? Was he having the right attitude? But he really wanted those cookies. Why didn't she get them for him?" Or, "Is that wife being kind and respectful toward her husband? Is that the way mommy talks to daddy?" Or, "how do you think Jesus wants us to treat poor people?"

WORTH THE EFFORT
It takes a degree of effort, in order to make it a habit in your life to constantly be teaching... but it is so worth it. We don't even have to start those conversations now with our oldest son (who's almost 5). He notices rudeness, and he is aware of idolatry (both in the real, Thai Buddhist sense, and the monetary, materialistic sense). He raises his eyebrows when people are rude to each other on a TV commercial or show (i.e., Nellie on Little House on the Prairie). We want to transform his worldview into one that reflects God's ways. To view sin as sin. To aim for righteousness and a life that pleases God. To live with self-control and a sense of honor. To have compassion for the poor.

"For as he calculates in his soul, so is he." -Proverbs 23:7

If we want his thoughts, his inward calculations, to be pleasing to Christ when he is a man, we ought to be instilling those things now, in the basic, simple moments of every day life.